Kate's Health Blog

Life-Changing Mammogram Results

2010-08-17T17:51:00.004-04:00

It's my birthday!

It's been 873 days since I was diagnosed with breast cancer. That's a lot of water under the bridge. Start with 161 doctor appointments. I went back and counted. I figure that is 322 hours in doctor offices... assuming the doctor is running on time. I've gotten better at waiting, that's for sure.

OK, that was time. Let's talk money. My insurance has been billed over $300,000 for all my treatments, and has paid about $120,000. My cost? About $5000 beyond my usual monthly contribution for health insurance.

You want a review of the procedures? I've had a double mastectomy, 19 lymph nodes removed, six rounds of chemo, 35 doses of radiation, three reconstruction surgeries, two PET scans, one MRI, a MUGA (whatever that was), maybe 15 blood draws, ten surgical drains, at least 40 trips to the pharmacy, completed COUNTLESS forms, and handed over my insurance card ZILLIONS of times.

What else? Well, my sister had a baby, my mom and sister came to take care of me about seven times, friends helped me move (twice), around 200 people sent greeting cards, dinners were delivered, hugs were doled out, my dad's sister passed away, somehow the church books were balanced each month, handbells were rung, a computer system was implemented, Jesus' birth and resurrection were celebrated, and birthdays were toasted.

It's kind of overwhelming to look back on the past two years and realize all that has happened in addition to and in spite of breast cancer. But the real lessons were these: Prayer works. God is in charge. Every breath you take is a gift. Friends and family are invaluable.

I hope to feel as fortunate over the next 873 days as I have during the last 873 days.

People ask me all the time if I'm "cured." The best I can say is there's currently no evidence of disease. They don't say you're cured from breast cancer until you've survived 20 years. I've only survived two, so far. Eighteen to go, and I'm hoping to enjoy each and every one of them.

Thanks for taking this journey with me. I hope you are blessed with health and happiness beyond your greatest expectations.

Amen.

Back at Work and Feeling Fine

2010-08-03T12:26:00.002-04:00

I went back to work yesterday, a whole day early! There's a lot going on around here...my boss accepted a new position while I was out on leave...and I felt like I was missing too much by being home.

Plus, I really am feeling fine.

Everything looks great to me. There's only a little bit of pain, and it's only very intermittent. I think it might be a stitch pulling or something like that...it's nothing that I would even consider taking a pain reliever for. Turns out, getting a boob job isn't a difficult surgery at all.

I've got one more blog in me, which I will post on August 17. Check back then...

"Million Dollar Chest"

2010-07-29T22:11:00.003-04:00

I had my follow up appointment today with the plastic surgeon. Nine days from surgery - seemed like forever! I've had clear tape and a little gauze on the incisions this whole time. Kinda oogey, frankly. I was glad to see it go.

Everything looks super. I go back in eight weeks, then not for six months. Fabulous!

The only thing that surprised me was that the surgeon said I could not do any repetitive arm motions for six months. No aerobics, no yard work, no snow shoveling. He said "You've got a million dollar chest there - maybe two million - and you don't want to chance messing it up. You don't want to let fluid build up and maybe cause an infection."

He's right, of course. I don't want to have to go through this again. But six months without handbells? To you, it might sound like a hobby. To me, it's the thing I look most forward to every week. It's an hour and a half of pure joy for me, each and every rehearsal.

When I had my first lymphedema attack, at a handbell conference, I swore that I would NOT let breast cancer take away my favorite hobby. I swear it again today. I am willing to take six months off, but breast cancer will not take away my favorite hobby. This disease can leave scars on my body, throw me into menopause, and a whole host of other things. But I ain't giving up handbells.

For the next six months, I'll just have to enjoy my million dollar chest without handbells. After that, all bets are off.

kw

Feeling Good...Getting Rest

2010-07-25T09:39:00.002-04:00

I've been without pain relievers since Thursday night. Great news, huh? I can't get over how much easier surgery is without those awful drains. I know, they have their important job to do, but they suck!!

Mom went home Friday morning. I spent Friday under Eileen's care, and Saturday under Lisa's equally capable care. Today I'm on my own with about 75 hours of Tivo to keep me company.

I don't see the doctor until next Thursday (29th). Until then my post-op orders are no heavy lifting, leave the tape on, call if I run a fever. Pretty straight-forward, as surgeries go, huh?

Time for my first nap of the day. I really love two nap days, and it looks like this is the start of a two nap day. Woot!

kate

Done and Done!

2010-07-21T10:35:00.002-04:00

Surgery went well yesterday. I was in surgery for about two hours, then two hours in recovery, then home by 1:00pm - can you believe it? I woke up in pain (as I have after the other surgeries) and it took awhile to get that under control. Percocet plus Demerol dd the trick.

What a blessing that I do not have any drains!! The surgeon said he wouldn't know whether I needed drains or not until he got in there to see what was going on. Must have looked good, because I woke up with no drains. Hooray!!

Here's a little more info on the implants, from the Allergan marketing info book they gave me...56 pages, which I admit I have not read completely. :)

"Breast implants are not lifetime defices, and breast implantation is likely not a one-time surgery. You will likely need additional unplanned surgeries...because of complications or unacceptable cosmetic outcomes."

"For women receiving primary reconstruction implants in Allergan's Core Study, 23% had their implants removed at least one through 4 years."

"Rupture of a silicone gel-filled breast implant is most often silent. This means that neither you nor your surgeon will know that your implants have a rupture most of the time...You will need regular screening MRI examinations over your lifetime in order to determine if silent rupture is present...first MRI at 3 years after your initial implant surgery and then every 2 years, thereafter."

"...rupture rate information on Natrelle implants is provided from a published European study known as the International MRI Study. Silent rupture data were collected via a single MRI on 106 patients implanted with Natrelle implants. The average age of the implants was approximately 11 years... Silent rupture was found in approximately 15% of the patients. No cases of migrated gel were found."

"Concerns have been raised over whether ruptured implants are associated with the development of connective tissue or rheumatic diseases...such as fatigue and fibromyalgia. A number of epidemiology studies have evaluated large populations of women with breast implants. These studies do not...support a significant association of breast implants with a typical, diagnosed rheumatic disease..."

There's lots more information in the booklet, but you get the basic idea. There are risks associated with the implants and I should anticipate having additional surgeries at some point for a variety of reasons (rupture, repositioning, excess scar tissue, etc.). On the other hand, I feel "whole" for the first time in over two years. Right now, to me, the risks are worth it.

Time for more Vicodin... xoxo Kate

Hi Ho, Hi Ho, It's Off to Surgery We Go!

2010-07-20T05:57:00.003-04:00

I am ready. We're leaving in five minutes. Let's get it done!

Mom arrived last night. We ran our errands and got everything in order for the surgery. She says you'll all be interested in knowing that I'm having silicone implants, not saline. The saline (they tell me) is harder and doesn't look as realistic on someone my age. My interpretation? Silicone will sag a little better as I approach 50.

Dear me. When did I get to the age when "50-ish" was my age, not my mother's???

When I'm out of surgery and feeling better, I'll copy some of the marketing literature they gave me about the implants. Let me get back to you on that. :)

Slowest Passing of Days EVER!!

2010-07-15T10:44:00.002-04:00

It's Thursday. Surgery is Tuesday. I swear this week is just crawling by!!

I had forgotten what it was like to work a regular 40 hour week with no classes, no medical appointments, no other special events. Is this really what my life was like before cancer? (Well, probably not, because I like to keep my calendar full...)

The blood has been drawn, the prescriptions filled. The front-zip and comfortable clothing has been moved to the front of the closet. My work calendar has been cleared. My desk is getting there. The refrigerator is full.

I'm ready to go. Let's get it done.

kw

FINALLY!!!

2010-07-08T08:15:00.003-04:00

I have been waiting and waiting for July 20 to arrive. It's finally within range.

Several friends have asked why I haven't blogged in eight weeks. Simple - there hasn't been anything health-related to say. Isn't that great??? I've had a couple of doctor visits; everyone says I'm doing well. The medical bills have slowed to a trickle. My hair looks almost like it did before it fell out. I'm basically back to life as it was before cancer.

Thanks be to God!

My pre-op appointment was Tuesday. Everything is ready to go. I'll get my blood work done today. Mom is set to arrive on the 19th and stay as long as needed. This surgery should be easy...completely outpatient and only two weeks off work.

Some of you are unclear on the purpose for this surgery, so I'll review. I had two surgeries to rebuild my breasts, one for each side, where the doctor pulled a muscle from my back around to create a "breast mound," then put a tissue expander in place. It's called latissimus dorsi reconstruction surgery if you want to do more research. The tissue expanders have ports with them (inside my body, not hanging out) so the doc can fill them a little at a time with saline until I'm happy with the size and the skin has stretched to accommodate the implants. This surgery will pull the tissue expanders (which are really hard) and replace them with permanent implants.

God willing, this is my last cancer-related surgery. And it's coming up soon! (Which is great, because I could really use the time off work. )

kw

Two Year Anniversary

2010-05-12T12:02:00.002-04:00

What were you doing on May 12, 2008?

Today is the two year anniversary of my mastectomy.

I went into the surgery with very mixed feelings. On one hand, someone was about to cut off my breasts. That was tough to swallow. Breasts are an outward definition of femininity. Women's clothing is made to fit a body with breasts. They'd been with me and a part of me for about 35 years. It was hard to envision my life without them, and difficult to envision my body without them. On the other hand, I was going to have the cancer cut out of me too, and I wanted that tumor OUT.

Turns out, having your breasts removed isn't nearly the big deal I thought it would be. They've been rebuilt, out of other tissue from my own body and some additional plastic parts. I've got more scars than I did before, but otherwise I'm as good as new.

Today I don't have mixed feelings about the mastectomy. I am cancer free. Woot!!

Just Counting Down to the Next Surgery

2010-05-06T08:03:00.002-04:00

Here's a shout out to Doug, who told me it's been over four weeks since I posted a blog. Check again...by my math it's three weeks tomorrow. Perhaps you aren't checking as regularly as you believe??

So all is well. I tried to do some gardening last weekend and it kicked my butt. I had to call a friend (male) because I just wasn't strong enough to do what I wanted to do. I used to be stronger. Must be time to start lifting weights again.

It was difficult to schedule this next surgery...the one that will replace these tissue expanders with permanent implants. My boss had vacation, then my surgeon had vacation, etc. Now that the date has been set (July 20), I gotta tell you I AM TIRED OF WAITING!!! It's still 11 weeks away. Ugh. I'm ready to get it done and over with (plus, I'm ready for a couple of weeks off work).

Classes are over for the semester. I got two As...one in a graduate level statistics class and one in a senior level sociology class. Truthfully, I don't know how I did it. By the time I turned in the last paper I was ready for a break. Summer classes start May 17. I'm taking Fraud Examination (I'm an auditor, and I am so intrigued by fraud!). It's only a six week class...that should help the time between now and my LAST (did I mention LAST) surgery go quickly.

That's all I've got, people. kate

Feeling Fine

2010-04-16T16:10:00.002-04:00

Nothing to report. It's been FOUR WEEKS since I had a doctor appointment. I mean really...what am I doing with all my free time?? :)

I've been surprised lately at a couple of people who have been unwilling to believe I'm fine.

Really people...I'm fine! I feel pretty much like I did before I had cancer...I'm a little older and a little more worn out than I was two years ago, but otherwise, I'm "normal."

Well...as normal as I'll ever be... ;)

kw

Two Years

2010-03-31T18:21:00.004-04:00

Sunday it was two years since I was diagnosed. March 28, 2008, wasn't a particularly happy day in my life, and perhaps not one I would like to celebrate. I posted on my Facebook page asking people for suggestions about how to mark the occasion. Two great suggestions:

1. Celebrate the fact that I am still here, and quite healthy, only two years after hearing such devastating news.

2. Recommit myself to walking the path with God, knowing that joy and sorrow live together, and that I am not alone on the path.

The next big anniversary date will be May 12, when I had my mastectomy. Any ideas on that one? Again, not a particularly happy day in my life, but an important date to mark. It's the day I believe I became cancer free.

kw

Test Results and Surgery Date

2010-03-31T18:07:00.003-04:00

I realize my last post said I have more to write about, but now...ten days later...I just can't remember what the heck it was!! Maybe it will come back to me.

Great news from the blood draw - my CYP206 level is normal (whatever that means!). The tamoxifen is doing its job to reduce the chances of recurrence. I tried googling a bit to understand what the CYP206 level measures...it was over my head. I'm just going to be happy that the tamoxifen is working.

And, I have a surgery date!! July 20. So exciting. Only 11 weeks away!!

kw

Update

2010-03-21T12:03:00.002-04:00

I had three or four doctor appointments last week. It's really hard to hold down a full time job when you keep having to take time off for all these damn appointments!!

Everyone says I'm doing great. I guess I shouldn't complain...should be thankful I'm employed with health insurance and paid leave time.

The plastic surgeon and I are trying to find a date when he can pull out the tissue expanders and replace them with permanent implants. I spoke with the nurse about which kind of implants I should get, how large, how high, etc, etc. These are all things I did not get to decide with my first pair of breasts! We're scheduling around my boss' vacation, the doctor's vacation, etc...will probably turn out to be late July.

The oncologist drew blood to make sure I'm really truly in menopause. She said that if my hormone levels don't show low estrogen, she'll want to remove my ovaries. Remember my tumor was highly fueled by estrogen, and in such tumors if there's going to be a recurrence, it will likely be in the ovaries.

I'm really praying that my hormone levels are nice and low, because I AM NOT UP FOR ANOTHER SURGERY. I've had enough lately, thank you very much.

I have lots more to write about, but it isn't really related to my health, so I'll hold it for another posting tomorrow. God's blessings to all!

kw

Heavy Heart

2010-03-07T18:22:00.002-05:00

One of my "adopted sisters" was diagnosed with angiosarcoma last week. She's in that terrible time between the diagnosis and the action plan, where everyone has a zillion questions and there aren't any answers and the word "cancer" is just echoing around in your brain.

I'm just sick about it. I had sort of come to the conclusion that I had cancer so that those around me wouldn't have to. How egotistical is that? I've come through this journey much stronger, much more peaceful, much more centered than I was before. Why would I assume I am the only one who gets to have personal growth?

Unfortunately, the path is difficult. It's full of feeling crappy and looking odd and waiting in doctors' offices and filling prescriptions and having blood drawn and hugs and tears and you get the picture. Someone told me the other day that I am the toughest broad she knows. I took it as a compliment. Kris is a close second, in my opinion. I know she can do it.

You'll pray for her, won't you?

kw

Nothing New This Week

2010-03-01T18:34:00.002-05:00

I don't have anything to report!!

I'm working hard to stay caught up in the two classes I'm taking. I'm also trying to find time to keep up with the two churches I'm the treasurer for. The beauty of that report?? It's not about cancer!! It's just about my regular life!

After my haircut Saturday I finally look (to me) the way I looked before my hair fell out in July 2008. My first haircut after chemo was around May 1, 2009. Safe to say I can grow an entire head of hair in ten months!

I signed up to take a class this summer...will hope to schedule the final FINAL reconstruction surgery around that class. It's only six weeks, so I don't think it's a big deal to schedule around it.

That's it from here. Bring on the spring!!

Holy Cow!!

2010-02-22T17:59:00.003-05:00

I went today to have my second "tissue expansion." Remember about two weeks ago he added about 1/2 cup of saline to my left breast. Today Dr. Colville added another 1/2 cup. All I can say is HOLY COW!!! It's huge!!

It appears that it now has about 340 ml of saline...about 1 1/2 cups (he put 100 ml in initially during the reconstructive surgery).

I think this is big enough. I'll know more tomorrow or the next day when my skin doesn't feel like it's going to explode and I have a chance to really look at it. But, at this point I'm feeling like I'm done.

That means the next surgery (pull out the tissue expanders and put in the permanent implants) can be done in about three months. Waa hoo!!

kw

What a Difference a Week Makes!

2010-02-20T08:08:00.002-05:00

Last Saturday I had two people coming over to my house. One of my pastors, Cheri, was bringing the stuff I need to get The Village Church books to balance for 2009. Then Laila came to help clean a few things for me. I remember dragging myself through the shower, not blow drying my hair, and basically sleeping the rest of the day. Sunday last week wasn't much better...I dragged myself to handbells, then came straight home and spent the rest of the day on the sofa resting.

Praise God for the healing that seven days of passing time can bring!

Today I am up early, hair beautifully arranged, ready to go on a day-long retreat. Then tonight and tomorrow I've got to finish my statistics midterm and get started on a paper for my sociology class. AND, I KNOW I CAN DO IT!! I'm not looking at those tasks with dread, rather, I'm looking forward to getting them done. And when time permits, I've got to turn my attention to those church books that I still haven't balanced for 2009. (Please don't tell the pastor...)

I see the surgeon again on Monday and I have a zillion questions to ask him about how we know when "the girls" are big enough and when we schedule the next (last) surgery.

I hope you all are having a similarly healthy and productive weekend. If you get a chance, please pray for my friend Kris who just had major surgery and needs prayers of strength and healing.

kw

Quick Update

2010-02-17T08:11:00.002-05:00

Sorry...been meaning to get to this since Monday morning, but I am just swamped!

The nurse pulled the remaining drain on Monday. HALLELUJAH!! Turns out I had ripped the stitch...which I must have done Friday evening because it was killing me. (I just thought it was getting infected or healing or something.) That will leave a lovely scar, I'm sure.

I should count the scars on my trunk from breast cancer. Give me a minute... 18. Nice, huh? Some are really long, some are just little round circles from the drains.

Anyway, I feel absolutely human again with the drain gone. I am able to sleep without trouble and roll onto either side without worrying about the drain bulb popping open. Hooray, hooray, hooray!

I will see the surgeon on Monday and have a list of questions about the next surgery - pulling out the tissue expanders and replacing them with permanent implants.

kw

Love, Love, Love

2010-02-14T13:01:00.002-05:00

Happy Valentine's Day!

I'm not sure how many "corners" there are in recovery from surgery. I know I turned a big corner last Friday when I went down to one drain. I turned another corner yesterday. I am feeling almost normal. ...Not energetic, mind you... but like I can start each day with a to-do list and know that I'll accomplish at least part of it. Hallelujah!!

Laila was so sweet to clean my kitchen, change my bed, and vacuum the house yesterday. She also listened while I complained about a friend. This good friend recently told a new mutual friend about how much I've had to rely on my friends during these past two years and how she's basically tired of it. I was stunned.

Of course, Laila listened to me gripe about my friend, which made me feel better. Then she said, "I thought you were going to say that 'Julie' was BRAGGING about how much you've accomplished while you were in breast cancer treatment!" Laila went on to list that I've taken classes, remained as treasurer of my church, rung in a handbell choir, purchased a house, moved twice, been active in my nephews' lives, managed a very stressful job, maintained a blog, and stayed connected with friends, all while handling chemo, radiation, and three major surgeries in 22 months.

Don't you just love Laila?

And aren't you just furious with 'Julie' for having the opposite perspective...that I've been too needy and relied too much on friends?

Yeah, me too. I believe that God calls us to be in community with each other and to support one another. I believe that's what Valentine's Day is really about. If you know someone who needs an extra dose of love today, offer to run the vacuum or wash the dishes. Love, love, love!

kate

Back to Work

2010-02-12T08:20:00.002-05:00

I went back to work Wednesday after three weeks off. This, of course, coincided with the world's largest snowstorm. You probably didn't hear about the 12 inches that fell in Toledo because every news organization in the entire world is focused on the snow in NYC and DC. Hello people...not *EVERYONE* lives on the East Coast. There are others of us out here boosting your ratings (but perhaps not for long).

OK. Sorry. I didn't realize I had the energy to climb onto that soap box this morning.

My dear sweet neighbors dug me out on Tuesday and Wednesday I went to work. No problems. I did dissolve onto the sofa Wednesday evening and was sound asleep by 8:30pm.

Thursday's alarm went off at 7:00am. I couldn't do it. Instead, I got up at 8:00 and made it to work by 9:00am. Thursday was a little tougher at work. I didn't have my usual energy, but I was able to focus OK. Last night I had to go to the middle of nowhere (Fostoria, Ohio) as the mother of a friend passed away and I wanted to get to the visitation. Got home at 7:45-ish, was asleep by 9:30, missing the end of Survivor. (Watched it this morning. No worries. Priorities!!)

So today I made it to work without too much trouble, although I am really starting to drag. Sweet Laila is coming over on Saturday to help me do a little housework, then I think I will plan to sleep a good bit of the rest of the weekend.

On the other hand, no pain, no concerns about the incisions or infection or my one remaining drain. He (the drain) is still going strong. I'm afraid he's going to be with me for awhile.

Happy weekend, all!

kw

Lots to Tell!

2010-02-08T19:38:00.002-05:00

Oh I have so much to write about! I went to Chicago this weekend, but I don't like to post that ahead of time now that I have a house...no need to invite intruders.

Friday before I left, I went to the plastic surgeon's office. They pulled TWO drains, leaving me with only one drain. HALLELUJAH!! I can't tell you what a difference that makes, only having one drain.

It's only four hours to my sister's house, but I stopped once to take a little nap. That gives you an idea of what my stamina is like. I had a great time in Chicago...Peter (3) and Daniel (15 mos) are adorable. And smart! And they love me lots!

Peter doesn't understand what surgery is, of course, but we played a lot of "surgery" over the weekend. And he was pretty good about letting Aunt Kate rest when I said my surgery was making me tired. Well...pretty good for a three year old. :) I told you Peter is smart...I had a complete elbow replacement on Sunday morning performed by my nephew. That kid will go places, I can tell!

Today I went back to the doctor for my regular weekly surgery follow up. Everything looks great. He surprised me by saying he was going to "fill" the tissue expander. That caught me off guard - I didn't have time to plan for this or anything! The nurse put 120 ml of saline into the expander. That's about a half cup! My chest feels tight, but not too bad. The new breast is definitely bigger now than it was when I went in today! How exciting!

(Remember, the dr is unable to find the port for my right breast... the plan is to get the left side to a size I like, then just assume we'll like both breasts at that same size. Leaves me a little nervous, but what can you do?)

No more dr appts until next Monday, unless this drain dries up, which it won't. I go back to work (weather permitting) on Wednesday. No plans for the rest of the week so all I have to do is go to work and come home and rest.

Stay warm. kate

Bored Bored Bored!!

2010-02-04T10:49:00.002-05:00

I should go back and read my postings for the second week after my last surgery. I bet I was as frustrated and bored as I am now.

I went to handbells on Tuesday - only for an hour - it felt so good to be out doing something I love to do. Not surprisingly, I paid the price Wednesday and spent most of the day on the sofa napping and watching TV. I'm completely bored with even my favorite shows these days. Bored bored bored!!

Around 2pm yesterday I dragged myself through the shower and went to run some errands. I also did some studying. It's been really hard keeping up with my classes this semester because I just can't focus for very long.

Today's plan is similar...lying around on the sofa and studying. I need to get my Statistics assignment done! The prof says to allocate about nine hours per week for each assignment. I guess that will take me all day today.

Tomorrow I'm going to have at least one more drain pulled.

The feet look good. I'm sleeping well, and on my side which is such a blessing. The pink spot on my incision looks excellent and the big black blotch has turned to a softer gray color which I am taking as a good sign too.

All I need now is some stamina............ kw

One Drain Down, Three Remain

2010-02-02T09:04:00.002-05:00

I saw the doctor yesterday. They pulled one drain (#2 for those of you keeping track). Two others look like they might dry up this week. I'm hopeful. It's SO MUCH easier to manage one drain than four.

The "pink and black" part of the reconstruction looks better each day. The surgeon and the surgical nurse both looked at it and don't have concern. They think the skin is a little blacker because it's been radiated, but the doctor said he doesn't think it's dead skin or dying skin, just that it looks different from non-radiated skin healing.

They say the incision on my back looks great. Stitches were pulled there. The tape was removed from the incision on the front. No stitches to pull there.

I'm not to see the doctor again for a week, unless I have concerns. Otherwise, we're just in the "rest, relax, heal" mode that I've come to know so well.......

kw

God Has a Sense of Humor...

2010-01-31T22:21:00.003-05:00

Sometimes when I start to take myself too seriously, God reminds me that S/He has a sense of humor.

Friday when I was in the middle of a breakdown trying to figure out if I was going to be admitted to the hospital for more surgery or not, my phone rang. It was the delivery person with Ken's Flowers, trying to figure out when I'd be home for a delivery.

He had a fruit basket, and he couldn't leave it on the porch because it's so freeking cold out.

I told him I'd be home from about 11:30 to 12:30, leaving out the part that I've just been at the doctor's office where they're threatening to admit me because I seem to have an edema that's not cooperating. I figure that's TMI. But I'm sure the guy was thinking, "You're giving me an hour window to get this delivered? Thanks a lot!"

I also said, "Feel free to deliver it to my next door neighbors on the right side...she is a stay-at-home mom and will probably be home all afternoon if you miss me." He was pleased with that option.

The delivery man called again about thirty minutes later, but I didn't answer. I was in the middle of a nervous breakdown and frankly the delivery of a fruit basket was not a priority. He left a message that he wasn't going to make it to Bowling Green on Friday afternoon. He would try again Saturday.

A few hours later I was on my way home from the second doctor visit, feeling much better because I'm not being hospitalized, and the guy calls AGAIN. OK SERIOUSLY...does a deliver require this much coordination??? It's a fruit basket for heaven's sake!!!!!! You've called three times!!!!!!!!

I did not answer.

Saturday morning I picked up his voicemail which went something like this:

Uh Ms. Whitmore? It's Ken's Flowers again. Uh, I ended up coming
down to Bowling Green this afternoon but I think maybe we don't have your
correct address. I know you said the people on the right side of your
house are home during the day, but when I went over to their house, there was a
big sign on the door that said you have to be 21 or older to drink in their
house. Are those the neighbors you wanted me to deliver the fruit basket
to? Or do we have the wrong address?

Just strikes me as hilarious...a nice little old man trying to deliver a fruit basket, I assure him the woman next door will be home to receive it, and he's greeted by a big sign about drinking. Welcome to Bowling Green, mister!

We got the address thing straightened out and I received the fruit basket on Saturday afternoon. ;)

kate

Seriously Swollen Feet!

2010-01-31T21:05:00.004-05:00

Friday during the drama I noticed that my ankles looked more like shapeless tree trunks than my ankles. Saturday it was worse. Way worse. My poor feet looked like big fat dough chunks, and my piggies looked like fat sausages attached to the dough chunks. It was kinda scary.

No other symptoms, just disgustingly fat feet and ankles. Dr. Whitmore decided to treat herself. If you're a frequent reader, you aren't surprised.

I put my lymphedema sleeve on my left leg. This is the cute pink compression sleeve that normally works to keep my left arm from swelling. Turns out, it fits pretty well on my lower leg too! Then I wrapped my right leg with an ace bandage. I mean sometimes I'm so gorgeous I can barely stand myself!

I spent hours Saturday afternoon lying on the sofa hoping that having my legs elevated would do the trick.

By bedtime my feet looked marginally better. I decided to try to sleep horizontally - haven't done that since the surgery. It's a bit of a trick because of all the fricking drains. It's much easier to sleep sitting up or slightly reclined. Not only do the drains on the outside cramp my style, but the parts that are on the inside make it seriously uncomfortable to bend and twist.

So I can't lie on my left side at all. I can't really sleep flat on my back. (The snoring wakes me up!) I crawled into bed on my right side but then I woke up every hour or so because I needed to move around...but of course, I couldn't. It was a long night.

Miracle of miracles, my feet looked pretty darn good when I got up this morning!

I spent about six hours lying on the sofa again this afternoon and now they look almost normal. LOTS better than yesterday.

I go back to the doctor tomorrow and will discuss my concerns about the swelling...but I really don't think there are blood clots floating around...just a lot of work for my body to do. And, as my mom pointed out today, I am probably overdoing it and not resting enough.

In my own defense, I think that lying in front of the TV for six hours yesterday and six hours today does NOT put me in the "overdoing it" category...

:) kw

Friday Drama!!

2010-01-29T16:59:00.002-05:00

I had an appointment with the nurse today to make sure my bandages would carry me through the weekend. While there, I complained about how swollen my ankles are (think tree trunks) and the nurse noticed that part of my chest incision was bright pink with a nasty looking black bruise rising up nearby.

The nurse felt the hematoma several times, left the room to consult with another nurse, then decided I needed to come back and see the doctor in the afternoon. She said either he would aspirate the area, or he would admit me to the hospital and remove the hematoma surgically, while I was under anesthesia. This was at 10:00am, and of course I had a full day planned, including a meeting at work that I didn't want to miss from 1:30-4:30pm.

(I know, I know - I'm on medical leave. But this was a really exciting and important meeting. How often do you get 20 people in a room all talking about tuition calculation, huh???)

The nurse was asking me all sorts of questions like, "Is there someone who can bring you back this afternoon so that if we admit you they can stay at the hospital with you?" and "When was the last time you ate or drank anything? Don't eat or drink anything until after you see the doctor."

I was freaked out. I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR A SET BACK!!!!!

I rushed home, had a nervous breakdown, contacted Judy and Larry to make sure they could take care of my car if I were admitted, turned in the Sociology paper that was due today at 5pm, emailed the people in the meeting to let them know I might not attend, posted a prayer request on Facebook, packed a bag in case I was hospitalized, and probably did a few other things I can't think of right now.

An hour and a half later I got back in the car and went back to Toledo to see the doctor.

He didn't think it was a big deal. In fact, he basically patted me on the head and told me I was a cute little worrywart.

OK, listen punkin. I WASN'T THE ONE WORRIED ABOUT THIS!!! IT WAS HER (points at nurse). SHE WAS THE ONE WORRIED!!

I didn't really say that to the doctor, but given the circumstance, I feel I should get bonus points for remaining composed. After he was done figuratively patting me on the head, I turned to the nurse and said, "Has he addressed all your concerns too?" She nodded.

The doctor (not my regular doctor, but his partner, Dr. Zavel) told me what to watch for over the weekend, and told me to call the office if I had any concerns. That was it. I got dressed, confirmed my appointment for Monday, and zipped back to Bowling Green to attend the meeting on tuition calculation.

This is why I hate drama: wasted time and wasted energy. I mean I'm glad the nurse took the conservative approach, and I'm astounded at how quickly God can work wonders through prayer. But really, aren't there better ways to remind me that my body is amazing and I should be taking it easy????

Ugh.

kw

Wednesday - It's Been a Week

2010-01-28T14:00:00.002-05:00

Hard to believe that yesterday was just a week since surgery. I spent much of the day trying to concentrate enough to read my sociology chapters and then reply intelligently to classmates' comments about the content.

I went out to dinner with a colleague who is finishing her contract at BGSU. It was a little too early to try to get out on my own, but this was important to me. Karen was so helpful to me while implementing the billing system that BGSU uses. We couldn't have done it without her.

I came home around 8:30pm and went straight to bed. Slept most of the morning today too.

I yanked all the tape off my back around noon, preparing for a shower. That damn tape was itchy itchy itchy!!! I was so tired of it!!! It wasn't easy to pull it off my back...and then when I saw the incision, I realized it really should be covered for a few more days. Now what to do... Mom's gone and I can't reach it myself.

Fortunately, Tawn agreed to come over and re-dress the incision. She wasn't even grossed out by it! And during my shower, I let that water run all over my back, getting rid of the urge to scratch scratch scratch.

I see the nurse again tomorrow (Friday morning). I anticipate she won't be pleased that I'm no longer in the original dressings. That's life! Will update you after I am scolded by her. :)

kate

Monday, Tuesday - Time Flies When You Nap All Day!!

2010-01-27T09:00:00.003-05:00

I can't believe I didn't post on Monday after the doctor appt or Tuesday. I feel like I complet about half of what I plan to do each day. So frustrating!!

Monday the bandages came off. Everything looks lovely!! I had forgotten how much swelling there would be. It's kind of oogey, frankly. And speaking of oogey, I have a blood blister the size of a penny in the middle of my back from the surgical tape. DISGUSTING. I make Mom keep it covered, because I just know it's going to burst and leave some big disgusting stain on my shirt, blanket, etc. Mom says it's not the kind of blister that bursts like that, but I don't care. It's so disgusting that I want extra protection.

After the doctor we went to Target...it was delicious to be out and about!!

Then, no surprise, came home and napped the rest of the day, had dinner and vegged in front of the TV. I didn't even bother to shower Monday. Knowing I was allowed to shower was enough for me. :)

Yesterday I showered! And washed my hair! And tried to get more of these sharpie lines off my skin! And put on girly-scented lotion! What a wonderful start to the day!!

Our big outing yesterday was a trip to Home Depot. After my recovery nap, my cousin Phyllis came over for dinner. It's always great to see Phyllis and catch up on what our families are doing. I also got to show off the house and pictures of my handsome nephews.

After an entire week of recovering, I'm starting to get nervous about my school work. I have several assignments in both classes due between now and Sunday. And I haven't put any work into the church books that I keep for a new church in Toledo - The Village. All this lazing around napping, doped up, watching TV has been lovely, but it's time to get back to my real life.

I'm sending Mom home later today because I think it's not going to be much fun hanging around me while I try to get all this classwork done. She claims she didn't come just because I'm fun to hang out with, but I can't be certain.....

So that's it from here. I will give an update today after my shower as I'll be inspecting the stitches and incisions again.

kw

Sunday - Good Day, Good Evening, Tough Night

2010-01-25T10:21:00.003-05:00

The Vicodin controlled the pain quite well yesterday. I was taking two every four hours like clockwork. My brain feels so much better on Vicodin than it does on Percocet. But, the Vicodin plays with my body temperature and makes me sweaty.

Mom and I worked on my to-do list and I probably pushed my limits. It felt good to be moving around and accomplishing something.

In the evening I saw that one of my bandages was showing some blood...not too much...probably a result of reaching up to change a lightbulb or reaching down to grab something from the floor. We added another layer to it (as the doctor had suggested) and it's not bleeding through yet today. I'm sure it's fine.

I had a tough night...woke up at least every hour. I was hot. I was cold. My hip hurt from lying on it. My incisions hurt and it was time for more Vicodin. Grrr. Frustrating.

We are headed to the doctor today. He will check my incisions and take all this packing off. It will be my first look at the reconstruction. (I expect it to look just like the other side looks.) After the doctor, lunch, then Pottery Barn, then Target...hoping to make it through all those stops, but willing to come home when/if I run out of steam. Mom's very good at letting me know when I am getting tired and crabby.

I did my hair today, and am going to put on a touch of mascara and eyeliner before we go out. Now you KNOW this is a big day!!! I'm sure I'll push myself too hard and sleep all evening...but I am ready and itching to get out of the house!!!!!

kw

Saturday - Good Day, Tough Evening, Good Night

2010-01-24T10:20:00.004-05:00

Had a good day Saturday. Got dressed (jeans and an over-the-head shirt, not my usual post surgery sweats and zip-up-the-front sweatshirt). I talked Mom into taking me on an outing, which included the post office, McDonald's, Hobby Lobby, and Big Lots.

If I haven't already established my deep deep love for McDonald's diet coke, let me establish it here.

It was GREAT to get out, but I had a tough evening. The outing might have been too much for me. Ward came over with a great movie (I think it was called Food, Inc.), but I couldn't get comfortable or warm.

After the difficult evening, I had a great night...went to bed at 10pm and slept pretty much all night without taking more percocet. Didn't get up until 9am. I even slept most of the night on my side. Hoorah!!

Today I'm stepping down to vicodin (or trying to). There will be more hair washing, and more clean clothes wearing. Tomorrow, a doctor's appointment where he will take the bandages off leaving me free to SHOWER!! Oh, the simple things.........

kw

Friday Went Fine...

2010-01-23T08:05:00.003-05:00

I was up and around quite a bit yesterday. I didn't do much, but wandered to the bathroom, the kitchen, and the bedroom without any trouble. I tried to cut back on the Percocet with some success.

Last night around 8pm I sat down and had some trouble with my back. The best way I can describe it is pain in the empty spot where the doctor took the muscle...almost like other tissue was fighting to fill that space but none of it felt comfortable in the new space. I sat with an ice pack on the spot and tried not to move. Took another percocet. By the time I went to bed at 9pm it felt better, but not great. Today it feels OK but I think more ice is in order.

The spot below my collarbone that needed ice on Thursday needs ice again today too.

Overall, I would say I've responded better to this surgery than I did last time. Perhaps because I knew what to expect or because I was healthier going into the surgery. Who knows.

Plans for today - clean underwear and clean socks. Brush teeth and hair. Order Mom around like Cinderella. Nap a lot. I gotta get moving and find those ice packs before I cross to the bad side of pain.

xoxo

kate

Recovering Well

2010-01-22T14:54:00.003-05:00

Thanks to Lisa for blogging for me on Wednesday. What she didn't mention was that she was in the middle of a meeting when I called, and she used me as an excuse to leave the meeting. The old "my friend is in the hospital" trick... :)

Yesterday (Thursday) was a LONG day of waiting for the doctor to come tell me I could go home. He didn't get there until about 8pm. Like I said, LONG day. I got out of bed several times and walked around the 8th floor. I also spent some time sitting on a little sofa they had. It was nice to be out of bed. I wasn't in much pain, and switched to oral percocet around 3pm.

The nurses had spoken with Dr. Colville and knew he wasn't going to get to the hospital until really late, so at my urging, we started doing the things that would be necessary for me to be released. The last thing I wanted was to sit waiting for the paperwork to be prepared.

Sometime around 5pm I decided I wasn't going to use my leg compressors or my pulse-ox meter anymore. Oh - and I got dressed too. It felt great to get rid of some of the tubes that were hampering my movements.

The doctor finally arrived, spent 35 seconds looking at my bandages, and then released me. Mom and I were back in Bowling Green by 9pm. I went straight to bed, with doctor's orders to set my alarm for every three hours to make sure I didn't miss any percocet doses.

Today's been fine. Drains are under control. Percocet holding back the pain and I'm trying to cut back a little so that my eyes aren't all bugged out and dilated. Mom washed my hair for me (this makes me feel human). I've got clean clothes on too. Big day big day!

I have an appt to see the doctor on Monday...no showering until then. (And let me tell you, getting that appointment was not easy! They put me on hold three times and kept asking "do you need a nurse appointment or a doctor appointment?" Hell - I don't know! Isn't there a protocol for this? Isn't there a "five days after surgery, all reconstruction patients see the doctor" process in your office?)

I have a sense that I'm rambling. I'll quit and write more tomorrow. Will give a few more details about the surgery, hospital stay, etc.

Thanks for the prayers! I know this miraculous healing comes from the positive energy you are sending me!

kw

Surgery Update

2010-01-20T16:42:00.003-05:00

Hello friends and family of Kate! This is Lisa Keller, friend of Kate and temporary blogger. My blog update may not be up to "Julie and Julia" standards but I'm giving it a shot...

I am happy to report that Kate's surgery today went very well. She was in recovery by 1:15 and in a regular room getting food at 3:30. She sounded great when I talked with her - of course she's hopped up on the good drugs so tomorrow may be a different story.

Kate wanted me to tell you all thanks for your thoughts and prayers. She's looking forward to telling you all the oogley details. She's expected to be released from the hospital tomorrow afternoon and she says she'll be ready for visitors in about a week.

Since I have degrees in Health and Biology that I rarely use, I'll take this opportunity to give some additional surgery details. That way, I'll feel that my college and grad school years are being put to some use...

As you know from Kate's previous posts, since the doctor was unable to locate her external port she was hoping for a "booster" shot in the breast that had already been reconstructed. Unfortunately, they were not able to do this during her surgery today. Other than that, the surgery went as planned. Kate is no longer receiving extra oxygen (yes, of course she made that decision herself) and she has been able to use the bathroom by herself. Those of you who have had anesthetic know that this milestone is a key accomplishment in the recovery process! The only IV's she has are the saline and the all-important pain pump.

Gee, I realize that I don't have any good oogley details to share...guess I'm still not using those degrees...

Keep the thoughts and prayers coming. If Kate is feeling great, she'll be back blogging herself in the next day or so. In the meantime, I'll keep you up to date. (hmmm, I wish I had a catchy sign off phrase like the great newscasters do)

Ten Fingers Left, but Just Barely...

2010-01-18T17:55:00.004-05:00

Have I mentioned my new knives on my blog yet? Several people asked me what I would like for housewarming gifts when I bought this house. Since I've never been married, I never had a chance to register for dishes, glasses, and a nice set of knives. I decided it was time to have some good knives.

Saturday I was chopping some really hard squash, pushing very hard on the top of the knife blade, and blamo - the knife slipped and I cut my finger. Blood everywhere. I was pissed off! I do not have time for a trip to the emergency room! I have surgery coming up and a to-do list a mile long!! I investigated the cut on my own, but it ooged me out.

I grabbed a kitchen towel I was willing to part with, wrapped my finger, and went over to a neighbor's house. Kelly is not a nurse, but she works in a hospital and she's a mom. I figured her opinion was as good as anyone's.

Kelly and I agreed - no stitches required if the bleeding stopped in a short amount of time, which it did. We wrapped the finger up in a Superman bandaid with Neosporin. That bandaid was saturated in short order, but the next one did the trick.

Why am I so worried about a cut on my finger? Well, for one, I was shocked at how woozy it made me to see my own blood on the cutting board, knife, squash, and kitchen towel. You would think that after all I've been through, a little old cut wouldn't bother me. Nope. I could barely clean it up without having to put my head between my knees!

And, remember that with lymphedema in my left arm, I'm supposed to be super cautious about cuts. Sure enough, Sunday the cut looked pretty good, but my hand and arm were really swollen. I didn't realize how hard the lymphatic system works on such a small cut.

Finally, I was worried that this cut would get infected (because of the lymphedema, lack of circulation, etc...) and that would postpone my surgery on Wednesday. It looks good today, but I'm keeping it covered. There is no way I'm postponing that surgery!

There's a lesson in all this...I'm not sure it has anything to do with knives...I think it's more about avoiding squash....... :)

kw

READY for Surgery

2010-01-17T15:50:00.002-05:00

Prescriptions filled. Bag packed. Mom arriving on Tuesday. I say let's "git 'er done."

The surgery is scheduled for 7:30am Wednesday. Last time I wasn't up in my room until 4pm. I'll make ... er ... ask someone to post a blog that I'm doing just fine.

I expect to be home on Thursday around dinner time, and in a Percocet haze until about Saturday. I plan to return to work on Feb 10.

I expect Mom to stay about a week, but that really depends on the to-do list I've left her. It's getting lengthy!! Oh yeah, and if I'm not doing well, she'll stay longer, of course. :)

We have MLK Jr Day off on Monday. I'm using the day to work ahead in the two classes I'm taking this semester. So, only one more day at work to get all my ducks in a row for a three week absence. Oh my.

I have more to say, but I think I'll wait until tomorrow to say it. ;) kate

Ready for Surgery!

2010-01-06T17:53:00.003-05:00

Christmas 2007 - two breasts.
Christmas 2008 - no breasts.
Christmas 2009 - one breast.

Seriously, how many people can say that??

My left side reconstruction surgery is scheduled for January 20. Yesterday I met with the surgeon. Today I had my pre-op visit with Flower Hospital. I've never been to Flower before (only lived in Toledo 20 years...). The records person said, "Are you still living at 6862 Well Spring?" Holy heck - that was my address in 1998 when I lived in Utah!!! I found that amusing.

(Remember... I'm going to Flower because St. Luke's delivered poor nursing care during my right side reconstruction. )

I was impressed with Flower. I had my own three-ring binder with tabs in it where they were putting all the information and test results. At least it looked like they were being thorough.

The RN (Stacia) who was taking my medical history asked, "What would you like to be called while you're here?" Extra points for anyone who doesn't assume I want to be called Molly. Then she actually called me Kate for the rest of my visit. She also asked where I had had my other surgeries, and when I explained why I wasn't going back to St. Luke's, wrote on my chart that I was concerned about nursing care quality. Bonus points for listening and responding!

Stacia also stopped before she took my blood pressure and said, "Are you a lymphedema risk? Is it OK if I take your blood pressure?" Really impressive.

At Flower I had blood drawn, an EKG run, and a chest x-ray. Plus the full medical history which I can now repeat in my sleep. You know you've been to too many hospitals when you recite your birthdate to everyone you meet. They're going to ask for it anyways, might as well save them the trouble.

The doctor visit yesterday was a little more unnerving. First, the LPN came in and said, "So we're taking out your tissue expanders and putting in your implants, right?" Uh, no. I'm getting a tissue expander put in on the left side. "Oh yes. That's right." Then she said, "And you've had all your blood work done already. It looks normal." Uh, no. I'm scheduled for that tomorrow. "Oh. I see that now."

OK sweetie, you're making me nervous. Do you have the right chart with you? Could you check?

Then the doctor comes in and we discuss the surgery. Kind of old news since I've already had the right side done. I grill him again about additional lymphedema risks. Again he tells me he's not worried. (I am.) I remind him he's going to fill the right side tissue expander while we're in the surgery suite since he can't find the port. He grabs a pen and scribbles some notes. I remind him he's going to use an external port on the left side so he can fill the expander (since he can't find the right side internal port...). He scribbles more notes.

Don't worry...I'll be reviewing all that again on surgery day with him too. Seriously people, you have to be in charge of your own health care. These people see too many patients in one day to keep it all straight.

The only other change is that they're going to mark me the day before my surgery. Last time they did it the morning of surgery. So they draw on me the day before, then I'm supposed to take two showers (one the night before, one the morning of) with the special anti-everything soap. Do they really think the Sharpie is going to survive this? (I asked - the nurse said they would send me home with a marker so I could retrace the lines if necessary. HILARIOUS. Apparently they don't know about my hand tremors........)

OK, so that's the update. I think it's all ready to go. Two weeks and counting. Let's do it.

kw

Happy New Year

2009-12-31T16:24:00.000-05:00

What wonders does 2010 hold for us all?

Cancer Free 2009 - I Can Prove It!

2009-12-30T11:07:00.003-05:00

I don't like to spend a lot of time thinking about/worrying about whether the cancer is back. For one thing, I'm not a good worrier. Never have been. I don't understand worrying. I have other things to use my energy for. Second, I don't think it's good karma. I believe we naturally create what we are focused on. If I focus on whether the cancer is back, well...you know where I'm going.

But I've been having some stomach troubles lately and that had me worried. I never have stomach troubles. Ever. I heard recently that ovarian cancer can secrete a hormone that upsets your stomach. I put two and two together and when the radiation oncologist asked me during my follow up visit if I was having any troubles, I asked him about the stomach issues. He hadn't heard about the whole hormone/upset stomach thing (and I couldn't remember where I heard it - Dr. Oz perhaps?), but he ordered a CA 27.29 test.

I know you're all familiar with that test, but on the off chance that, like me, someone is not up to speed, it's a test that may be useful for predicting early recurrence of breast cancer. I had blood drawn on December 22. The doctor said they would call with the results - good or bad - on December 28.

Shocker - no one called. I called them this morning (December 30). Spoke first to the receptionist who transferred me to the nurse. That's when my mind started wandering. Receptionists are allowed to give out "good news," but not "bad news." The nurse looked up my information and "couldn't find the results." My mind decided she was stalling for time to decide how to tell me my body was riddled with cancer. Click click click. I can hear her keyboard through the phone.

The nurse asks for my SSN (which I *love* to give out over the phone). At this point it's clear to me the results are bad, she just wants to verify for certain that these are MY results before she gives me the news.

"Oh yeah. Here it is. Normal is between zero and 38. Your results are 27. Normal."

I reply (trying to hide my huge sigh of relief), "Normal? Oh great! Well, happy new year!"

Learning to Live with It

2009-12-16T13:38:00.002-05:00

I rang in a handbell concert Sunday. This basically entailed rehearsing much of the day, plus helping the visiting choir move their tables and bells into our sanctuary, plus eating fast food and snacking all day. I knew my arm would swell up from this darn lymphedema…a side effect of the cancer treatments of modified radical mastectomy and radiation.

It’s not the cancer that gets you. It’s the side effects of the treatments.

(Well, I guess it would be the cancer that would get you if you didn’t get the treatments, so maybe that’s poorly worded!)

Last week I thought about what I would do to prevent my arm from swelling and/or to make sure I could keep my arm in good shape for the entire day.

I decided not to wear my lymphedema sleeve, because it’s hot, and I’m working hard under those lights ringing those bells, darn it. I carried the sleeve with me in case I had an emergency (like my limb swelled up to the size of my thigh). And, I didn’t help when people were doing all the heavy lifting of tables and bells for the other bell choir. It was hard not pitching in, but I knew I was making a good decision. It’s like when people don’t help saying “I have a bad back.” I don’t judge them for that…and I tried to tell myself no one was judging me for not helping too.

My arm held up just fine Sunday. By the end of the day I could tell it was larger than my other arm. And this morning I compared – it’s like 30% larger than my right arm. What I think I realized is that I can live with it, prepare for it, and accept this f-ing lymphedema as part of my life.

I’m not happy about it, but I can do it.

Playing the Cancer Card

2009-12-06T19:16:00.002-05:00

Let's face it, aside from a few low points, I've taken this diagnosis and these treatments like a champ. I haven't looked all that sick, I've been able to work nearly full time, and I've tried not to define myself as a "cancer patient."

But every so often, I need to play the cancer card.

I wanted to take an online class next semester - a 400-level sociology class which means it will be mostly seniors and sociology majors in the class. When I tried to sign up, I found the class was "full" at only 10 students. I investigated, and found that the Arts & Sciences college was holding the rest of the seats for students enrolled in online programs.

Online programs, for those of you who don't follow higher education, are degrees you can obtain without ever going to a class in person. All classes are conducted online. You could be in Timbuktu, Mali, and receive a degree from Bowling Green State University.

Trouble is, we don't offer an online sociology degree. So why Arts & Sciences decided to hold 20 spaces in a senior-level sociology class open for online learners, I'm just not following. I was told the spaces would eventually open up (no telling when), and I should just check every day to see if spaces were available yet.

Which I did. For 32 days. Each day I found the spaces were still "saved" for online learners. By Dec 1, 17 people were registered for the class. 30 will be allowed in total.

I played the cancer card. I sent a lovely email to the woman who appears to be the gatekeeper for enrollment, explaining that I was particularly interested in an online class since I would be having surgery next semester (breast cancer reconstruction) and there would be a three week period where I was unable to attend class in person.

I know I didn't have to tell her what surgery I was having, but I was hoping for a seat in the class based on sympathy.

You'll be pleased to know an exception was granted, and I've been enrolled in the class.

(big grin)

Sociology of Gender, here I come.

kw

Insomnia - ANOTHER Side Effect

2009-12-01T13:05:00.004-05:00

This is from mybreastcancernetwork.com today.

Three quarters of cancer patients and survivors treated with chemotherapy suffer insomnia or sleep disorders that often become chronic conditions, hindering patients' ability to fully recover, according to scientists at the University of Rochester Medical Center. A study of 823 cancer patients showed they experienced sleep troubles at nearly three times the rate of the general population. The problem was more prevalent in younger patients and those with lung and breast cancers, according to the paper published online in the Journal of Clinical Oncology.

Heck. I inherited terrible sleep problems from my dad...now I get this on top of it? No wonder I don't sleep at night.

God bless the creators of Lunesta.

kate

No News is Good News

2009-11-24T08:09:00.003-05:00

Happy Thanksgiving! I heard someone say recently that the only thing most of us lack is "lack." I hope you'll take a moment to reflect on how much we have (including our health!) and how fortunate we are while you celebrate Thanksgiving.

I made my first mortgage payment yesterday. One down, 359 to go. :)

Saw the plastic surgeon yesterday. He took a little more fluid off my back, but not very much. (Remember we pulled that drain earlier than he wanted to...I gotta tell you, if I STILL had a drain from a September 23 surgery, I would not be a happy camper.)

I have a surgery date for the left side - January 20. Hurrah! We'll be doing this surgery at Flower Hospital. I just can't go back to St. Luke's with my memories of that awful overnight nursing shift still fresh. I did get a nice letter from someone in management at St. Luke's explaining the changes they had made in nursing procedures based on my letter/experience. That makes me feel better, but I can't put myself back on the same floor with the same nurses.

Besides, don't you think it's good for me to spread my insurance monies around to make sure everyone gets part of the dough? The operating room at St. Luke's billed at over $20,000. Holy cow.

All is well. I'm looking forward to the holidays and wishing you and yours a happy Thanksgiving!

kate

Knee Better...Nothing Else New

2009-11-08T19:32:00.002-05:00

My knee is getting better. SLOWLY. I'm sure part of the slow pace of recovery is because I just can't stay off it. I'm afraid another part of the slow pace is because I'm getting older. I swear, ten years ago I would have bounced back more quickly.

I am now sometimes able to go up the stairs like a regular person rather than one at a time like a toddler. Progress.

A friend from church came over today and helped hang all the pictures and curtains. NOW this house is a home. :)

No word from the doctor on the next surgery date. Hard to believe it could be about ten or twelve weeks away. Wow.

kw

I Hate Standard Time!!

2009-11-01T19:23:00.003-05:00

Oh how I hate the "fall back" to standard time. Dark at 6:00pm tonight. I found myself counting the weeks until we will "spring forward" again. Each year I know that if I can make it to Valentine's Day, I'll live through it.

What fun it was to have 200+ trick-or-treaters at my new house last night! I also met several neighbors who introduced themselves as they brought their kids around.

My place is coming together quite nicely. I spent my last two hours at my old place today, "cleaning." I say "cleaning" because the place was so filthy when I moved in that I didn't feel like I had to do much cleaning to leave it in better condition than I found it. Last boxes gone. Keys to be turned in tomorrow. Hooray, hooray, hooray!

I tried to take it easy and stay off this knee much of the weekend. It's not easy because there's still a lot to do, and I want everything to be perfect since it's my first house. On the other hand, I don't want to grimace every time I get up for the rest of my life. It's a good reminder to try to rest it.

New (old) job in Internal Audit starts tomorrow. I am so thrilled to be going back there and getting away from what had become a difficult situation on the software project. The downside? I'll have a lot less freedom and a lot more supervision. Alas. I am ready for new challenges and a change of scenery at work.

Big thanks to Doug and Hans who came over Saturday and planted some things for me. A few unsightly bushes and some ivy were removed, replaced by lamb's ear, ferns, and blackeyed Susans. Can't wait to see all that in the spring! And dear Doug took all the yard waste home in his truck to dump it in an appropriate landfill. What good friends I have!!

That's it from here. kate

Saw the Plastic Surgeon Monday...

2009-10-30T11:46:00.003-04:00

Dr. Colville says I'm doing great. No more restrictions (which is good, b/c I wasn't following them anyway!).

The nurse is going to schedule my left side reconstruction for late January. Hooray!! Another step in the process is going to be behind me! Of course, this time I'll be at Flower Hosp, because St. Luke's really disappointed me last time with that whole "no pain medicine for an hour" episode (see Sept. 25).

I did email St. Luke's about my disappointment...someone responded right away to get additional information, and indicated a supervisor would contact me within five days. Hmmm...that was over two weeks ago. I guess that's another indication that going to Flower is a good decision.

Because Dr. Colville pulled the last drain before it was really ready to come out, he drained some fluid from my back with a needle. Completely oogey if you ask me. I can tell it's already starting to collect there again. Another needle aspiration means more ooginess to look forward to!!!

My knee is still sore, and I still have to go up and down the stairs like a toddler, but getting in and out of the car is getting easier. I'm so hopeful it will be better in another week.

The house is coming together really nicely. I'll post more about that this weekend.

Love!

Kate

More About My Trip to the Emergency Room...

2009-10-25T19:03:00.002-04:00

When I got to the emergency room (Wood County Hospital) on Saturday, they were out of rooms and asked if I minded lying on a bed in the hallway. Heck - I didn't care, as long as I was off my knee. Besides, lying in the hallway gave me the opportunity to listen to what was going on in other rooms around me. Nosey!!

I noticed a nurse speaking curtly to the woman in room seven. She said, "It's too bad your son has to be here being exposed to all these swine flu germs just because of you." I thought that attitude was odd...nurses at Wood County aren't normally that cranky.

Shortly, I realized the woman in room seven was a drug addict looking for more pain medication. She was in really bad shape, writhing and moaning. I couldn't see very much of her, but could tell she was curled up in the fetal position. She asked a nurse for a second IV (not sure what they were giving her). The nurse said no. The patient said she wanted to ask the doctor. The doctor also said no. Then a few minutes later they told the woman she had ten minutes to get herself together and leave because they needed the room for other patients. The woman asked for several other drugs, was told "no" each time, and then left the room.

I felt like I was watching the Dr. Phil show. I just don't normally see situations like this in my regular life.

The worst part was the woman's son. He appeared to be about 12 or 13 years old. That he would be seeing his mother in this condition just broke my heart. At one point she told him to go call his father and tell him he needed a ride home. The boy left the treatment room, made his call, and returned saying he had left the father a message. Later, the mother told him to text someone to ask her to come pick them up because they had to vacate the room. This boy is seeing things and dealing with things that no child should have to handle.

My heart continues to be broken for this boy and likely millions of other children put into similar situations each day. Won't you please say a quick prayer for them?

God bless them all.

kate

Worst Afternoon of My Life

2009-10-24T21:05:00.002-04:00

Yesterday while waiting for the couch delivery people in my empty house, I squatted down quickly and my knee didn't like it. I took some Vicodin and kind of limped around yesterday while the movers were here. By the end of the day my knee/quad were really hurting. I just knew it would feel better after a good night's rest.

This morning I got up and my knee did *not* feel better. I could barely bend it. This is kind of a problem when you're moving, trying to go up and down stairs while ordering your friends around telling them what to pack. (Thanks Tawn, Lisa, Vicki, Hans, Doug, Laila, Larry, Judy!!) I took some Aleve since the Vicodin didn't touch the pain yesterday. The Aleve didn't touch it either.

By 12:30 when today's helpers left, I had agreed to go have my knee x-rayed. I just can't think of anything better than going to a hospital emergency room during the H1N1 epidemic.

Only waited 90 minutes to find that I did not break anything (thank goodness!). The doctor gave me a prescription for Percocet and said to follow the RICE plan. That's rest, ice, compression, elevation. I was in so much pain by the time I left the hospital that I could barely walk. I tripped on a rug on my way out and thought I might pass out from the pain. I looked so pathetic that the ambulance drivers offered to push me to my car in a wheel chair. I got into my car and just sobbed. It didn't help the pain, but I felt a little better emotionally. Do I sound exhausted or what?

Got myself to Kroger. Waited 45 minutes for the prescription (seriously? for 15 Percocet pills?). You can imagine it's not easy to sit and wait if you can't bend your knee. You should try going to the bathroom. Kroger was full of children screaming and mothers ignoring it. My nerves were raw to the point of a breakdown. It was all I could do to hold it together. I dragged myself over the frozen foods to get some peas (that would be for the "ice" part of the RICE plan). Got back into the car and sobbed some more.

What a difference a nap and a Percocet can make! By 6pm I was feeling good enough to do a little more unpacking and now (9:20pm), I'm on round two of the peas, in my pjs, and ready for bed. But I swear, I nearly didn't make it through the afternoon.

Isn't it funny to know that through breast cancer, chemo, radiation, two surgeries, etc, my "worst day ever" was brought on by a muscle injury? Sometimes it's the little stuff that is the hardest to handle.

More tomorrow. ...Kate

First Vicodin-Free Day!

2009-10-22T10:51:00.002-04:00

Yesterday I did not take any pain medicine all day. It was absolutely fine...believe me, I was not trying to be a hero. Yesterday also marked my fourth week since the surgery. Time flies.

Flying to Charlotte on Friday and back on Monday was really hard on my body. I had to increase the pain meds on Friday, Saturday, Monday, and Tuesday. I was thrilled when I didn't feel the need to take any yesterday. Not only is the trauma of surgery lessening, but the trauma of traveling is short-lived too!

Oh yeah, I bought a house yesterday too. Kind of a big day, huh?

Pack, pack, pack. The movers come tomorrow.

Kate

Who Knew I Could Sleep 12 Hrs per Day?

2009-10-19T11:08:00.003-04:00

I've been in Charlotte, visiting my sweet friend Gretchen. Gretchen's husband fought sarcoma for over 20 years, finally giving up the battle last year. Everything I know about fighting cancer with grace and courage I learned from Mark and Gretchen. It doesn't hurt that they're Southern. Southerners are genteel in a way that Yankees just can't approach.

Traveling wasn't too bad...get up at 3am, drive to Columbus, fly to Atlanta, connect to Charlotte. I thought I handled it quite well. Until I slept 12 hours Friday night. Hmmm...must have been tuckered out! Then Saturday night I slept 12 hours again. Hmmm...must have been REALLY tuckered out! Sunday we took a walk in the mountains (Blue Ridge). It was the first exercise I've had in over three weeks. Going down hill wasn't too bad, but going back up hill was tough! (Not nearly as bad as the hike I took a few months ago in the Rockies. The air was really thin up there!)

So the drain has been pulled and the doctor won't see me for two weeks. We're watching my back for signs of fluid retention. The nurse said my skin will ripple like a waterbed when it's touched if I'm building fluid. Sounds lovely!

With the drain gone, I'm thrilled to report I can now sleep on my side again!!! Ah...sometimes it's the little things, isn't it?

I'm ready to call this surgery "successful" and start planning the next one. :)

Be home soon. kate

Back to Work. Ugh.

2009-10-15T10:38:00.003-04:00

I went back to work yesterday. I only worked about seven hours, but I was exhausted!!!

I'm going for five hours today, followed by an appointment with the surgeon. Doesn't that sound like a better approach?

All is well.

kate

Answering Katie's Question

2009-10-15T10:19:00.002-04:00

Katie asked a good question about regular breast implants. She wanted to know why I got to have the "tissue tunneling" and wonders if everyone who gets a boob job has that additional surgery.

Nope.

If you're getting a regular boob job, you already have breast tissue that creates a breast mound. The implant is placed behind your breast tissue, and voila - bigger breasts!

But for me, I had all my breast tissue removed during the mastectomy last year. You can't just smack an implant under the skin...have to find some tissue to put over the implant. The most popular places to take this additional tissue to create the breast mound are from the belly or the back.

Unfortunately, I have too much belly for them to use that tissue...plus there is some long term loss of abdominal muscle function when belly tissue is used. I felt the back tissue/muscle option was better for me (so did the doctor).

So now you know, Ms. Peters. Other people bring their own breast tissue to the table for a regular boob job. Me? I had to get mine from elsewhere. :)

kate

A Review of the Medical Details & Decisions

2009-10-10T10:02:00.003-04:00

One of my friends was asking why I only had one breast rebuilt last month. I thought perhaps I should do a review of the decisions and procedures that got me to this point.

The surgeon suggested we do the reconstruction one side at a time for several reasons. Since I'm a large person, he needed to pull the muscle from my back to use for the "breast mound." You place the implant behind that breast mound so that it looks more natural. You can't have a tiny breast mound on a big person. The muscle is called the latissimus dorsi or something like that, and it's under the little roll of fat you have underneath your bra band on the sides of your back. (Those of you without fat on your back or who do not wear bras, you'll just have to pretend you know what I'm talking about.)

He also takes a swatch of skin from that area of the back to make more skin for the new breast. It's maybe six inches by one inch. So now we have a large incision on the back and some stitches on the front where the skin was attached. If you do that on both sides, you have a lot of incisions and stitches that could get infected. Doing one side at a time increases your chances of healing successfully.

Plus, my goodness, can you imagine caring for EIGHT drains? I would have had to kill myself.

The sugeon wanted to do the right side first. The left side has been radiated and we're giving it more time to heal from that. The skin is much tougher on that side and the risk of infection is much higher.

So I live with just a right breast until approximately January, when I get to go through all this again! It's actually not bothering me one bit to have just one side completed. My new boobie is just adorable. I could look at it all day long! :)

While the skin was detatched from my back and reattached to the front, the muscle was tunneled up my back, around my armpit, and resituated on the front. That keeps the blood supply intact. (I know, it's completely disgusting. Who thought of this in the first place??) There's a small incision (two inches) on my armpit which helped with the moving of the muscle.

I can't wait to see how all this looks in a year when the incisions have healed and the scars have faded a bit. And if you see me, don't hesitate to ask to see it all. I'm serious! I've had my shirt off so many times in front of so many doctors, nurses, etc., in the past year that it doesn't freak me out at all to show people. I feel like an interesting science experiment. If seeing my reconstruction helps you understand breast cancer or your own body better, I'm all for it.

That's it from here for today. kw

Seriously, It's Been Seven Days??

2009-10-10T09:37:00.004-04:00

Oh my...sorry...I had no idea I let seven days pass without posting. Checked my email last night and there was a reminder from Mom to get a post out there. Oops!

Mom and I returned from Chicago on Sunday and I sent her home on Monday. I was quite sure I could care for myself successfully. What I had underestimated was how long it would take me to care for myself! Monday and Tuesday passed with a doctor visit, some errands, and the usual - showers, meals, naps, etc. Before I knew it, it was Thursday and everything around me was a mess. I was covering the basics, but I wasn't doing anything extra! Mom was doing a lot of work (thanks, Mom!!). Aren't moms grand?

Tuesday I went to the doctor. Everything looks wonderful. They pulled three of my drains. AT THE SAME TIME. It was so oogey that I nearly passed out. It wasn't that it hurt, it was more that the feeling was so weird...and I'm sure my brain was playing a big part in this...my skin had started to heal around the openings, and as the nurse pulled I had to fight to stay upright...it was all just too much for me. Next time I'll make sure we pull them one at a time. I think that will help because the sensation will be less severe for each one. Or, maybe I'll convince myself it's completely oogy and I'll need to lie down again. Who knows?

Wednesday I completely overdid it. A friend was in town and I was out from my 9am appointment with another doctor until 9pm when we finally finished dinner. In between I had lunch with my friend, did some shopping, attended a staff meeting, put together a presentation, and ran a few errands. OK, OK. I know you are laughing at me. It was too much. I get it!!! By the time I got home I was in lots of pain and spent all day Thursday recovering. I basically slept all day.

I think I got the balance right yesterday. I did a couple of fun things, but also spent a lot of time at home recuperating and resting. On today's agenda is the same thing. A haircut, a run to the grocery store, a load of laundry, and at least two naps. It's hard to work three naps into the same day, but I'll give it a mighty try. :)

I take a little less vicodin each day. I think yesterday I took three. There are two spots on my new breast that hurt a little more than the rest of it. The incision on my back looks lovely and does not hurt. Sometimes it itches (healing!). My drain is still giving a ton of liquid. It won't be pulled anytime soon. But it's SO EASY only having one drain that I don't mind it one bit.

More tomorrow. kate

Still Feeling Good

2009-10-03T15:41:00.003-04:00

Mom and I decided to come to Chicago to visit Diane and her family this weekend. I didn't relish the thought of traveling with these four drains, but I knew it would do me lots of good to see Peter and Daniel (and their parents).

I've written about it before...there's something freeing about being around Peter because he's too young to understand what I'm going through. He saw the drains, asked what they were. I said "drains from my surgery." Of course, he doesn't have a clue what that means, but he repeated it. And later when he saw my incision (you don't get a ton of privacy around a three-year-old when you're Aunt Super Kate), he said "is that a boo boo?" I said, "Yep. A boo boo from my surgery. But it's going to get better soon." That was enough for Peter. Off we go to play another fun make-believe game.

It's so lovely to be able to be Aunt Super Kate without also having to be cancer patient, surgery patient, chemo patient, or anything else patient-related. Just plain old Aunt Super Kate.

:)

kate

After Two Big Days, R&R are on the Schedule Today

2009-09-30T12:25:00.002-04:00

Monday we had a trip to the surgeon's office and the mortgage office. Tuesday I went to the occupational therapist and then Georgette's house for dinner. Plus I took a shower and got dressed in real clothes. Both outings were exhausting. I'm looking forward to a whole lot of nothing today.

The pain of the surgery is definitely lessening each day. I'm able to move around more easily. Today I bent down to the floor, grabbed some socks, and put them on, all without whining or sighing one time. That's progress!

Still sleeping a lot...every couple of hours. Still hard for me to focus on a conversation or TV plot. But given that I had major surgery only a week ago, I think I'm doing great!

:)

kate

I Look Fabulous!!

2009-09-28T19:57:00.002-04:00

It was the big reveal today at the surgeon's office. I have to say, my new boobie looks fabulous! The incision on my back also looks good. It's longer than I expected - maybe eight inches or so - but it looks wonderful. No bleeding or pulling or any signs of infection.

No drains were removed; I will have four drains for at least another week.

The surgeon says I have no restrictions, but that I should not do any housework. :) My sister has said that she will avoid housework too, since we know breast cancer can run in families and we don't want to put her at any higher risk than necessary.

I'm feeling darn good about the whole thing. I don't have much stamina...after being out four hours today for the doctor visit and a couple of errands, I slept for two hours. The pain is completely controlled by a vicodin every three or four hours. Sometimes I'm uncomfortable, but I haven't really been "in pain." Praise the Lord! It's all good!

kate

Turning the Corner!

2009-09-27T10:47:00.003-04:00

Hello All - Looks like I've turned a corner. I am up to 4 1/2 hours without pain meds and I was able to sleep through most of the night!

Today's plan includes another hair shampooing, two short walks, and some homework for my online class. Also, an outing...we're going to swing by Kroger and the post office. Whew! What a big day!!

I spent part of the morning watching Toledo's Komen Race for the Cure. It's so inspiring!! Next year Kate's Boobie Patrol will be out in force (I hope!) celebrating breast health and raising money for research for a cure.

I'm looking forward to tomorrow's appointment with the surgeon...can't wait to see how everything looks under all this packing and tape. Look for more info after about 5pm.

Smooches all around.

kate

Surgery/Hospital Stay Review

2009-09-25T21:26:00.002-04:00

A few more details for those of you wanting to know...

Surgery was scheduled for four hours. We arrived at 6:15am for the 8:00 surgery. Because of the lymphedema in my left arm, the IV would have to be in my right arm. However, that would be in the way for the surgeon. He decided the best thing would be for the IV to be in my neck. Just the thought of that is oogey!!

First they put an IV in my foot to give me a little anesthesia so I wouldn't be conscious for the insertion of the neck IV. I'm telling you, that dang IV in my neck was awful! There was tape all over the side of my face and the staples they used to hold the IV in place were pulling. Just terrible. Boy was I happy to get it out!!

After the IV was put into my foot, Dr. Colville came in to mark my body for the surgery. That was a bit of a trick...turning and letting him draw on me without tripping on the IV or pulling them out. It really hurts to have an IV in your foot - avoid it if you can!! :) After the foot IV and body marking, I don't remember anything else until the recovery room.

Unfortunately, I woke up in pain in recovery. That slowed me down...they kept me in recovery about 90 extra minutes until they were sure they had my pain under control. The surgery was done by noon-ish, but I didn't get up to my room until nearly 4pm. And oh boy was I thirsty!! I must have eaten one gallon of ice chips.

I had a tough night Wednesday night. I didn't feel the nursing staff was attentive enough. (I'll be writing a letter about it to St. Luke's, trust me.) I had those dang circulation pumps on my legs and just couldn't get comfortable or sleep well. I couldn't go to the bathroom alone, and waited over 20 minutes each time I rang the nurses' station for help. Then I was without pain medication for nearly an hour because the nurse didn't know how to reload and reset the pump. I was worried sick that the pain would get in front of me. It didn't, but I was freaking out and couldn't do anything but cry while the nurse struggled with the machine. It's so hard to be a control freak and be in a situation where you have no control!!

It was probably 9am before I really settled down from my tough night. I had breakfast, went potty, brushed my hair and brushed my teeth...then settled into bed for a long nap. That's when the day shift nurse came in and said I needed to go for a walk with her. Ugh! Bad timing! But of course it felt good to get up on my feet and move around.

Most of yesterday I dozed, although that's a little harder to do in the hospital when lots of people are coming into your room to bring meals, check vital signs, clean, etc. Today I had a nice routine going - take pain meds, eat a little something, sleep a bit, repeat. We also washed my hair and took a walk around the block. Tomorrow will be just as exciting!

No signs of bleeding or infection or anything like that. The dressings are all dry. The drains are getting clearer and not draining all that much. I think it's all good.

Can hardly wait to do this again in a few months on the other side!!

Happy weekend. kate

Home and Doing Well

2009-09-25T08:51:00.002-04:00

Hello...I slept in my own bed last night!!!

The surgeon came to visit around noon Thursday (yesterday) and said my insurance would only pay for one night unless I was still on an IV and not eating well. So we had to decide...document that I was eating well and give up the IV pain pump, or leave the IV in and say I wasn't eating well.

Dr. Colville said he thought the sooner out of the hospital, the better. With that, I switched to percocet and got rid of the IV pain meds. It was hard to give up that powerful little pump that was dispensing the painkiller!! But, the IV had to be in my neck and it was driving me nuts. The tape was hampering the movements of my neck and the tubes seemed to be in the way all the time. I was thrilled when they took it out.

We were aiming to leave by 9pm or so, then realized it would be easier for Mom to drive back in the daylight. Once that decision was made, Judy, Natalie, and Mom sprang into action, packed up the room, loaded the car, and we were outta there!

I have lots of dressings on my right side...back and front...so a shower will be impossible. I go see the surgeon on Monday and am hoping the dressings will be removed or reduced then. I also have four drains that need to be taken care of three times a day. (FOUR drains...ick.) The drains aren't getting that much fluid and the dressings are clean. Both good signs.

The plan for today is sleep, rest, and recover. We're also going to wash my hair. A big day!

Thanks for all the prayers...we know they work! Will tell you more about the hospital stay later today.

Amen!

Kate

Kate Update #2

2009-09-24T15:16:00.003-04:00

Kate is doing well and will probably leave the hospital this evening, Thursday! Please continue to send prayers her way!!

Kate Update

2009-09-23T12:55:00.003-04:00

I am happy to report the surgery is over! It took four hours as expected. If today goes well, she will go home tomorrow evening; if not she will go home on Friday. Please keep your prayers coming!!

Here I Go!

2009-09-22T07:45:00.002-04:00

The house is clean, the refrigerator is full, the bag is packed. Mom arrives tonight. I'm ready to go!

My friend Kris is going to post tomorrow afternoon about how well I'm doing, so check back after 2pm or so.

Ward saw a button the other day that said, "Yes, they're fake. My real ones almost killed me."

Hilarious!!

kate

Details on the Surgery - Caution - Descriptive

2009-09-19T20:38:00.004-04:00

I guess I haven't done a good job of posting the details on Wednesday's surgery. Dr. Colville is going to rebuild my right breast. The "breast mound" will be made of some muscle taken from my back. The official name is a "latissimus dorsi flap." Of course, you already knew that, right? ;)

So the surgeon will take a chunk of skin, fat, and the latissimus dorsi muscle and slide it around over (under??) my armpit to get it to the chest area. The blood vessels remain attached. The tissue is shaped into a natural looking breast and sewn into place. You can see sketches at http://www.breastcancer.org/treatment/surgery/reconstruction/types/latdors.jsp. (Excuse me, I need to take a break because typing that was just a little too gross for me.)

Then the surgeon will put a tissue expander under that newly placed muscle. The tissue expander will be filled a little bit each week until I'm happy with the size.

The surgery is scheduled for four hours on Wednesday morning. I expect to be released on Friday or Saturday. Assuming all goes well, we'll do all this again in January on the left side.

Mom arrives Tuesday afternoon. A friend will post on Wednesday about how the surgery went.

Prayers and positive thoughts appreciated!

Kate (your cancer warrior)

Tell Me About Your Lymphedema Sleeve...

2009-09-16T21:59:00.002-04:00

I saw a woman today with a lymphedema sleeve on, and just marched right up to her and asked her about it. I don't usually wear my sleeve during the day. #1, it's hot, and #2, it bugs me. We were at a dinner/dance at this conference I'm attending, and she was all dressed up, but wearing her sleeve too.

She explained lymphedema to me and told me about her breast cancer (lumpectomy 15 years ago). Kathy said without the sleeve her arm has sometimes blown up to THREE TIMES the size of her other arm. And that she's been hospitalized several times with infections in her arm that required IV antibiotics. She said the sleeve does a good job of keeping her affected arm the same size as her "healthy" arm, and she doesn't want to risk another hospitalization, so she wears it all the time. I'm feeling fortunate I haven't experienced that yet...and concerned because you just never know...

It's been fun to be around a zillion new people this week who don't know how sick I was last year at this time. It was also fun to talk to another survivor (I still don't define myself that way, but am at a loss for a better word) and hear her story.

By this time next week I'll be in the recovery room doped up on percocet! :)

kate

Next 45 Days...

2009-09-09T13:13:00.003-04:00

I can't believe it's been a MONTH since I made time to post. Wow. I had no idea. Funny how life gets in the way when you're HEALTHY!!!

Seems like I like to be busy. I bought a house last week; then it failed inspection (roof plus other problems). I broke the contract. Yesterday I purchased a different house. Cross your fingers for the inspection, which is Friday. This house is only ten years old and should have no major inspection issues. Closing is targeted for October 25-ish.

Surgery is September 23, only two weeks from today. Hooray! I've had my pre-op consultation with the surgeon and with the hospital. Blood has been drawn, prescriptions have been filled, forms have been completed. I was planning to take two weeks off work, but friends who have been through this before say it will be closer to three weeks.

November 1 I change jobs and go back to the internal audit department at BGSU.

I mean really...could I maybe throw a few more things into the next 45 days?

The only disappointment is that the surgeon says I will not be in any shape to walk even the one mile route at the Sept 27 Race for the Cure. Not sure if I will try to get downtown just to say hello to everyone, or if I will skip it and enjoy the Percocet for another day. I'll keep you posted!! (Check my Facebook for more info.)

Hope all of you are happy, healthy, and BUSY too. :)

kate

Time to Add

2009-08-11T08:12:00.003-04:00

Sometimes I have to laugh at myself. When it seems like things are going quite well and I might have time to do something crazy like pick up a book and read or get out my scrapbooking supplies, I add. It's like my unconcious self just needs to fill the void.

So here I am...recovering well, looking forward to my surgery next month, letting my job slow down to a regular 40 hour work week...and I decide it must be time to buy a house.

What the heck am I thinking???

Fortunately, the ability to laugh at myself is a wonderful gift from God.

kate

Such a Heavy Heart

2009-08-01T14:19:00.003-04:00

It seems that I know a zillion people fighting cancer. And two of them aren't doing so hot. Would you please pray for Kathy Jones and Amy Clark?

I used to babysit for Kathy. She has five beautiful, special needs children that she's adopted. She's younger than I am...not even 40 yet. In her blog she indicates her cancer has become chemo-resistant and she's not doing so hot.

Amy is my brother-in-law's aunt. She is just a couple of years older than I. Her cancer has spread and the chemo doesn't seem to be working. She's been in Texas getting specialized treatment, but is now going home to South Dakota. She's been in quite a bit of pain.

Both families are in need of God's love and comfort.

kate

What a Difference a Year Makes

2009-07-19T15:32:00.003-04:00

One year. When I was younger, it seemed like an eternity. Now that I'm older, well, time flies.

I went to Wildwood Metropark twice last week (and I have the mosquito bites to prove it). Wildwood always gives me the space to think. I realized that a milestone had slipped by and I hadn't even realized it.

It was July 4 weekend last year that my hair fell out.

Think of all the water that has gone under the bridge since then. I was sick from the chemo. Got sicker. Had a birthday. Got better. Got a new nephew. Had radiation. Got better. Moved to Bowling Green. Put in a huge new computer system at work. Got stronger with each week.

And, my hair grew back. Tons of it. Just as thick as it was before, with a tiny wave to it, and grayer.

How did you spend your year?

kw

Peeling Feet

2009-07-13T08:41:00.003-04:00

I've never had beautiful, delicate feet. I'm not sure which parent to thank for my hard, calloused feet.... nonetheless, they've served me well.

Lately, the bottoms of my feet have been peeling. I'm not talking about a little flaking skin. I'm talking about huge clumps of skin coming off. Thick clumps too. It's really gross.

Of course, I blamed the chemo. I blame all odd health issues on the chemo. Today I made time to look it up on breastcancer.org.

Surprise. Sure enough, the first chemo I was given (the F in FEC) eventually leaks out through your capillaries and can cause your hands and feet to peel. The site indicates this can be quite painful. Fortunately, I'm not in any pain, I'm just leaving chunks of skin everywhere.

There was nothing on the website that indicated this could be a YEAR LATER. I'm thinking it just took that long for my poor little capillaries to get through my hard calloused skin. :)

At least now I know. It's really the chemo.

Happy Monday! kate

Surgery Scheduled!

2009-07-10T15:03:00.000-04:00

God has a sense of humor. I waited five weeks for the first plastic surgeon to fill out the paperwork and schedule with me. Finally I got fed up and visited another plastic surgeon. On my way home from that second plastic surgeon's office, the first doctor's office called with a surgery schedule for me. Seriously? After five weeks, they call when I'm leaving my replacement doctor's office? Strikes me as funny.

Dr. Colville would like to reconstruct one breast at a time. Each surgery will require two incisions, one on my back to get some skin/tissue for the breast, the other on my chest. Given my weight and the fact that I've had radiation, he prefers doing one at a time. Less stress on my body.

We will do the right breast reconstruction on 9/23. This is the surgery that will put a tissue expander in my chest and rebuild the breast. I'll be off work about two weeks. I have two pre-op appointments in September.

Approx 12 weeks later we'll do a tissue expander on the left side. This side is more difficult b/c it's the side that received radiation.

Finally, sometime in mid-2010, I will have the tissue expanders pulled out and replaced with implants.

Now I have something to look forward to. Feels great to have it on the calendar!!

kate

Really? I Thought They Were Just Hot Flashes.

2009-06-21T09:55:00.003-04:00

I never get/make time to stop at the local cancer survivor shop. The hours aren't convenient for me and although they are willing to stay open late if you just call them, I never think to do that either.

Saturday on my through Toledo I realized the survivor shop was open and I re-routed myself to see about a new bra.

I only got one bra that holds the fake boobies. Although my insurance will pay for several per year, I just couldn't be bothered to go back and get several. (See paragraph #1) I've been making do with just one and washing it a lot.

But the lymphedema in my trunk is starting to annoy me...I thought perhaps a bra that fit differently would help move the swelling around or push in a different place. And we're heavy into sweaty season; a second bra would be great.

The bra-fitter woman and I went into the bra-fitting room...I took off my shirt and she said, "Oh everyone loves that bra! But most people complain because it's so hot. It's a great bra, it just doesn't breathe very well. Doesn't it bother you to wear it all day?"

Well, yeah, it does bother me, but I just thought I was having really bad hot flashes! :)

Will report on the breathability of the new bra later in the week. I know you'll all be on the edge of your seats with curiosity.

:)

Kate

Why Won't the Surgeon Schedule with Me?

2009-06-18T21:21:00.002-04:00

It's been three weeks since I saw Dr. Welch. I've talked to her scheduler each week. She says the dr hasn't "filled out the paperwork yet" which lets the scheduler schedule me for reconstruction.

I've asked if she thinks there's a problem. No. The dr is just really busy.

But now I'm frustrated.

Monday I'll call another surgeon and hope he's more able to complete the paperwork and schedule me.

Ugh. I hate that I wasted my time with Dr. Welch, that my insurance will be billed for a second consultation, and that three weeks have gone by. I'm just not feeling patient about this!!

kw

Seriously, I Got Nothin'

2009-06-05T17:08:00.003-04:00

Nothing going on here. Trying to schedule my reconstruction with the plastic surgeon I saw a few weeks ago. Looking at mid-September for lots of reasons - mostly work-related. July and August are just full of craziness when you're in the bursar's office.

Gorgeous afternoon here. I came home for lunch with a new rocking lawn chair in my trunk (Big Lots, $25). Fatal mistake. The minute I plopped my butt in the lawn chair on the back deck I realized I would not be able to return to work this afternoon. It was glorious out. I read a book instead.

Perhaps I can only come home for lunch if I have meetings in the afternoon...a reason to return to work...

The June billing went out today for BGSU students. This might not sound like a big deal, but only eight (very long) weeks ago, we implemented THREE new software systems that all need to work together to get students billed. And we trained 25 staff members to use the new software. And - you might not be aware of this - 18 year olds are likely to change their minds frequently which sometimes makes billing them for college a bit of a challenge. So seriously, it makes me really proud to sit here playing hookie this afternoon knowing that our monthly statements went out on time.

*And* I was able to do it while fighting breast cancer.

*And* I made it.

Hmmm...guess I really did have something to blog about after all! Now, if it's OK with you, I gotta untwist my arm from its uncomfortable position patting myself on the back and go meet some friends for dinner. ;)

kate

Manhattan

2009-05-25T14:58:00.003-04:00

Random reflections on my weekend in Manhattan:

first flight since my surgery. how will my lymphedema do? worried. wore my vest but arm still swelled.
hate to fly since 9-11. never sure what to expect from the TSA employees. didn't have any troubles. relieved.
doug can walk way faster than i can.
fleet week in NYC...tons of men in uniform. :)
bodies exhibit friday night...sooooo fascinating!
mentalist saturday night...kinda weird.
bus tour of manhattan...downtown saturday, uptown monday...loved it.
sunday on long island at wineries...lovely. sitting on a patio sipping wine listening to a musician looking over the grape arbors...is this really my life?
gorgeous weekend. had a great time. my arm is paying the price, but the rest of me is thrilled to have had a vacation!
back to my real life tomorrow.........

kate

Oh Crap - I Left My Boobs at Home

2009-05-15T09:47:00.002-04:00

I bet you've never said that before!!

I had a presentation to give yesterday, so I was looking particularly fine from the waist down when I left the house. But I also had an occupational therapy appointment at 8am, so I was just wearing an old t-shirt from the waist up.

I had my blouse, necklace, and fresh makeup with me in the car.

As I pulled into the occupational therapist's parking lot it dawned on me...oh crap...I left my boobs at home!

Fortunately, I had time to go back and get them before the presentation. :)

kate

Happy Anniversary

2009-05-12T16:25:00.002-04:00

One year ago today, Katie P was turning 29, and I was having major surgery. I count this as the day I became cancer free. What a day to celebrate!

I don't feel much like celebrating. Too many people are yapping at me here at work, and my to-do list is getting longer by the minute. On the other hand, how flipping fortunate am I to be able to put this much time and effort into my job rather than worrying about my health??!!

Happy birthday, Katie. Enjoy your 30s!

Happy cancer free day to me. Praise God!!

kw

PET Results

2009-05-08T09:18:00.002-04:00

What is the proper celebration when your first post-cancer PET scan comes back with "no signs of metastatic disease"?

I'm thinking a warm cinnamon roll would work. ;)

kate

Waiting

2009-05-06T21:03:00.003-04:00

It's really hard being patient and waiting for these PET scan results!!!

While I'm waiting, I'll tell you what a PET scan is...the nice young man puts a little bit of sugar water with a radioactive isotope attached to it into your vein. Since you haven't eaten in awhile, your cells suck up the sugar water, and therefore the other stuff too. Cancer cells are greedy, so they suck up more of the sugar water...and more of the radioactive stuff. You can see the "hot spots," if any, via the PET scan.

They put the stuff in your arm (which you totally can't feel and the needle is really small), then you have to wait an hour while it circulates. Then you lay in this tube for 25 minutes while the machine does its work. No pain, no trauma. Not nearly as loud or claustrophobic as an MRI.

You already know how I think funny things happen to you when you have cancer. So when the nice young man said to me, "Before we do the PET scan, I need to make sure you aren't pregnant or breast feeding." To which I reply, "I can assure you I'm not breast feeding!" LOL. Strikes me as funny. He looks at me oddly and says, "Are you pregnant?" I tell him I'm not pregnant either. Then I tell him about my breast cancer and double mastectomy, and how it would be physically impossible for me to be breast feeding.

He gets it. :)

I've marked my calendar to call the oncologist's office on Friday morning if I haven't heard by then.

kw

PET Scan Appt and More

2009-04-29T16:51:00.003-04:00

I'm hearing about so many cancers lately...not sure about whether it's because I'm getting into that age range, or because I'm more atuned to it, or because there are just more cancers out there, or what. Sounds like Robbie is doing well, they have found more cancer in Amy, and Kathy is doing OK too. There are so many people to pray for!!

I've got the PET scan scheduled for Monday. When you say "May 4," it sounds so far away. Hard to believe it's this Monday. Time flies.

My surgery last year was May 12. I was talking yesterday with some of the women at work... when you think about the major medical treatments I went through in the past twelve months PLUS the huge project we just successfully implemented, it really takes my breath away. I am so thankful for the strength necessary to come through it. Humbling. Plus my sister had a baby and I moved to Bowling Green... what a year.

My appt with the plastic surgeon is scheduled for May 19. I'm simultaneously excited about that and scared to death. I've learned to live without boob, frankly, and I don't miss them! So now thinking about learning to live with boobs again...I just don't know what to think.

I guess one thing we've learned is that I'm adaptable...I'm sure I'll be able to roll with whatever happens. And I'll keep you posted!

God bless.

Kate

Hair, Oncologist, Plastic Surgeon

2009-04-21T15:06:00.003-04:00

Yesterday I received the first "all clear" from my oncologist. I'm on a three month schedule with Dr. Mohamed. She thinks I'm doing great. On my request, she will schedule a PET scan which will look for any little bits of cancer left in my body. I told her I'd sleep better if I had a PET scan. :)

Dr. Mohamed said to go ahead and schedule with a plastic surgeon. I called today for an appointment with someone she recommended...they will schedule and call me back. Exciting!!

On my way out, the receptionist commented on how lovely my hair looks. I made the usual comment, "I'm just glad it's attached," and we chatted a bit about how it's more coarse and more gray than it was before chemo. A woman in the waiting room who had that middle-of-chemo-I-feel-terrible look to her asked how long it had taken my hair to return. I counted the months (six) since my last round of chemo and cheerily told her she would look this great only six months after her final round.

The woman and her husband seemed happy...like it would be manageable to handle six more months of baldness and feeling crappy. I left feeling like I had made a difference to someone who was suffering...and that always makes me feel great!

I'll keep you posted on the PET scan and the reconstruction appointment.

kate

Next Steps

2009-04-17T10:01:00.002-04:00

Monday I have a four month follow up appt with my oncologist. I'm going to ask her about a referral to a plastic surgeon to begin the conversation about reconstruction.

I'm so nervous!!

Why am I nervous? I don't know. Maybe it's as much excited as nervous.

If you had told me at Thanksgiving that I would be feeling this good by Easter, I wouldn't have believed you.

God is good.

kw

What an April (so far!)

2009-04-11T18:44:00.002-04:00

I haven't had any time to think about anything since March 28. I guess that's how it goes, huh?

The project I've been working on at BGSU had its big weekend last weekend. It's the culmination of several consecutive 70+ hour weeks and 18 months of work (or more) for about 25 people. Whew! Installing a new billing system for 20,000 students is no small task!

I had a great Lent...made a commitment to not eat sugar or starches. I was doing great... until our marathon 15 hour Saturday and 12 hour Sunday last weekend when I consumed nothing but sugar and caffeine. And then of course it takes a few days to pull back out of that "bad food rut." Gone were the healthy kale and fruit smoothies for breakfast. Gone were the healthy chicken salads for lunch. Gone were the shrimp and fish for dinner. All were replaced by crumpled McDonald's bags in the back seat of my car.

Guess what? My left arm is terribly swollen with lymphedema, my digestive track is not happy, and all I want to do is sleep.

Hmmm...if that's not a lesson about the importance of healthy eating, I don't know what is!

Happy Easter, everyone! I'm back on the wagon and hopeful my left hand will have knuckles again soon!

Kate

What a Year

2009-03-28T11:35:00.002-04:00

Today's the day...one year after I first heard from my doctor that I had cancer. Definitely not a day to celebrate, in my opinion, but certainly a day to remember. It's been quite a year.

I've been thinking all week about what today means to me, but I don't have anything wise or reflective to say. Maybe it's because I'm working too much to have thinking space in my life right now. Maybe it's because I don't think about the cancer much. (I think about the treatments a lot, but not about the cancer.) Maybe it's because I feel like cancer was just another bump in the road, and now that bump is disappearing in my rear-view mirror.

Whatever the reason, I got nothing to share today.

What is it you have to share with me today? Perhaps this is supposed to be a day when I listen instead of talking......

kw

Almost an Anniversary

2009-03-20T16:07:00.003-04:00

I'm still swamped at work with not much time to think about my health. Looks like about three more weeks at this pace. Whew!

I got a chance to start reading this weekend a book called Of Monkeys and Dragons that wonderful Linda S. sent me while I was in chemo. It's a great read! I'm only a few chapters into it, but there's a lot about keeping your eyes focused on the prize rather than being sucked down into the day-to-day stuff. And also about not letting your disease define who you are. It's one of those books where you start underlining everything that strikes a chord with you and realize you're underlining more than you're not underlining. You know those books, don't you?

It's not lost on me that we're coming up on the one year anniversary of my diagnosis. Not sure how I'll mark the occasion yet....... ideas?

Happy weekend!

SWAMPED... and itchy...

2009-03-12T19:27:00.003-04:00

I'm working on this new computer system for BGSU that will go live on April 6. We are in our last testing cycle for the new system. I'm just plain swamped delivering training, testing, and figuring out all the little things that need to be figured out before we go live.

The good news is I'm too busy to worry about my health.

The bad news is I'm too busy to worry about my health.

I feel like all I do is work and sleep! I think I'll probably be this busy until around April 15. Ugh. I am so thankful that I moved to Bowling Green and I don't have to commute every day. And another thing to be thankful for - daylight savings time! I was starting to feel like a mole that only came out in the dark.

Twice or maybe three times this week I've noticed my left armpit itching. The funny thing about that is I don't have any feeling in my left armpit. It's kind of hard to itch something you can't feel!! In fact, you feel kind of silly trying to find a place to scratch that satisfies the itch!

After my surgery, itching always meant healing, so I'm chalking this itching up to more healing and more nerves regenerating. Cool beans.

I'll try to make time to post once a week for the next few weeks............

kate

More on Lent

2009-03-03T10:16:00.005-05:00

Another thing I gave up for lent was complaining about my coworkers. There is one I find particularly challenging. It's easy to get sucked into grumbling and focusing on the negative, isn't it?

A friend and I were analyzing a recent outburst by the coworker. My friend said "she just doen't have any self-control."

I laid my hand on my stomach and said, "I guess lots of us have problems with self-control."

In that second, I realized that my sin is just as great as my coworker's sin, only it rears its ugly head in a different manner. My frustration with my coworker dissolved on the spot and I was filled with forgiveness.

I'm not saying my coworker won't frustrate me again in the future... but I am thankful that God gave me a glimpse into what Lent is all about.

kw

Lent

2009-02-26T12:08:00.002-05:00

Lots of years I try to "add" something to my life for Lent. This year I decided to "give up" something... a little nod to my Catholic friends. ;) Frankly, with the craziness of work this season, I didn't feel like I could add anything. I'm already full up.

I'm giving up carbs.

The plan is to drop some pounds before I decide what size to have my new breasts built. ;)

Yesterday (day #1) was a bit tough. Today (day#2) I'm doing better.

Do I need to give you all a vote on the size of my new breasts? Maybe I should post a survey?

One last thing, could you all please pray for some friends and acquaintances of mine? I'm hearing about so many new cases of cancer lately. Pray for Amy, Kathy, Randy, Deb, Robbie, and probably a few others who have slipped my mind right now. (Could be chemo-brain, could be carb-free-brain!)

Big love!
Kate

Wow...Ten Days Later

2009-02-17T16:09:00.003-05:00

So I guess you can tell I've been pretty busy when it's TEN DAYS since my last post. Whew! We are just swamped at work and I've had lots of social activities, and of course, I sleep the rest of the time.

Thanks for all your kind words about my last post. :)

I was so tired of having freaky looking not the cutest in the world hair that I stopped Sunday to have it cut. Several ups and downs during that appointment...

...first, I've apparently not been there in over eight months, because my stylist was eight months pregnant! Surprise! I haven't had a haircut in long enough to bake a baby.
...second, even tho my hair is shorter b/c of the trim, it is SO CUTE. I should have done this a month ago. I feel all stylish and adorable. Will post a picture soon. Swear.
...third, in talking to my stylist, she said not to come back until June 1 for my next trim, and that I wouldn't be back to my old bob style until about this time next year. Next year?? Gulp. That's a long time.
...finally, I asked how much extensions would cost. To get my old style back immediately would be $1000-$1200. LOL!! I guess that option is off the list!

Don't think it's lost on me that my hair is my biggest health issue these days. Praise God. Praise God!!

kate

What Not to Say

2009-02-07T17:10:00.003-05:00

Everything's going well...the days are getting longer and the snow is melting. What more could a girl ask for? It doesn't seem like the right day to post something cranky...but this posting has been brewing for a few weeks now, and I've got the time to post, so here it comes.

Let's just say I need get this off my chest. ;) I'm not posting this because you, my dear readers, have said things that upset me. Turns out, I'm pretty tough. It's more that I don't want you to say things to other people that might be upsetting.

1. Please do not tell a young/middle-aged woman that your 80-year-old grandmother had breast cancer, unless she had it when she was much younger. I might have expected a cancer diagnosis at 65, but at 45 it was a complete shock, and I'm still slightly angry about it. It's also not helpful to me to hear that your grandmother decided not to be reconstructed. I WANT MY BOOBIES BACK!! I'm not interested in living another 30-40 years wearing fake boobs.

2. Please don't tell me that you had your own breast cancer scare, and that after a biopsy you learned it was nothing, thank goodness. Really? Because after my biopsy, I learned I would get to have a radical surgery, months of chemo, weeks of radiation, and years of not feeling like myself. It's hard for me to celebrate your "near miss" right now. It might not be hard forever, but it is right now.

3. Finally, be cautious about what you say in public. A woman getting a pedicure next to me last month was telling the nail tech about her friend who had recently been diagnosed with breast cancer. "She knows she needs to change her diet, but she's just not doing it. I can't believe she has cancer and she's still not eating healthy!" You would have been impressed with how nicely I was able to tell the woman that her friend probably has so many things on her mind right now she can't even fathom having the energy to go to the grocery store, let alone choosing and cooking healthy foods or changing her entire diet.

What I did not say to the woman, but I will suggest to you all, is that you buy a bag of healthy foods or cook a healthy meal and bring it to your friend. Your energy is much better spent that way than sitting in a nail salon dogging your friend with cancer.

It's hard to know what to say and what to do. Just offering you some input from where I sit...

kate

More Reflecting

2009-02-05T14:17:00.002-05:00

I must be getting more energy back. I've been able to spend more time praying and reflecting and just being "quiet." It's been a long time since I felt like doing those things. I've also been dreaming more. Each day I get a little closer to being who I was before breast cancer. Hooray!

Well, of course, I'll never be exactly who I was before breast cancer...but you know what I mean.

My accountant friend was preparing my taxes, and that prompted me to look up the charitable contributions I made in 2008. I downloaded all the info from my checking account and started going through it. Wow. What a way to look at a year! Debits for various restaurants. LOTS of charges at Target...no surprise there. Regular monthly checks written for rent and car payments. And then, as I got into May, a zillion checks written to doctor offices and medical providers. Copays and deductibles. I kind of felt like a scientist, sifting through the paper remains of 2008. It was almost as telling as reading my blog!

It's interesting...feeling on one hand how long ago that was, and on the other hand how recently it was.

Makes me wonder what the paper trail of 2009 will look like. What do I want the paper trail of 2009 to look like? I'll have to spend some quiet time this weekend praying about that. ;)

kate

February 1

2009-02-01T13:40:00.001-05:00

Just a short little reflection. Turning my calendar to February made me realize it's been just ten months since my initial diagnosis.

Wow. What a wild ride this past ten months.

Hard to believe that's all it's been. Seems more like a lifetime.

kw

"Temporary"

2009-01-29T18:31:00.003-05:00

My sister-in-law Karen had breast cancer a few years ago. When I was diagnosed, she gave me the good advice to remind myself this is temporary. One day, Karen wrote, all this will be over and you'll be meeting people who don't have any idea you've had breast cancer.

Today was the first time.

I had someone in a training class whom I haven't seen in about 18 months. She saw me and said, "Oh! You're wearing your hair shorter now! It's cute!" I laughed and blurted out that I had been through chemo and was in the re-growth stage.

I realize now that a completely appropriate response would have been to say "Thanks!" and to leave it at that. No explanation was necessary.

It's just temporary.

Praise God for temporary.

kw

Follow Up Treatment

2009-01-25T16:47:00.003-05:00

I've been meaning to post about this since last weekend, but -- silly me -- working 65 hours a week and sleeping 75 hours a week doesn't leave a ton of time for blogging. Or TV. Or exercise. Or grocery shopping. Or anything else for that matter.

While I was in Chicago last weekend, I turned my sister loose on the "you'll know if your cancer returns" attitude of my oncologist. Diane and Max do research for a living, and you'd be impressed at how quickly they can find lots of stuff on the internet.

Turns out, according to breastcancer.org, that, indeed, I will "know" if my cancer returns. They suggest the biggest tip-off is vaginal bleeding. (Funny...never in my entire life did I think I would blog the word 'vaginal.') Because I'm taking Tamoxifen, and I had the chemo + radiation + double mastectomy triple whammy treatment, the chances of recurrence are quite low.

I'll be darned, right now I can't find the part of the website that says that. But here's a different quote from breastcancer.org that you'll like:

For most breast cancers, the follow-up is based on history and physical
examination about every 4-5 months after diagnosis, then every 3-6 months for
the next 3 years or so, and yearly thereafter. In addition, one should do a
mammogram of the remaining breast tissue once a year. For inflammatory breast
cancer, probably the only consideration is that recurrences tend to happen
early, within the first 2 years or so, and because it is a more aggressive
disease, one might want to consider more frequent visits for examinations. But
there is no need for imaging of the brain, liver, or lungs at this point.

I'll do a little more research when I get caught up on my email, but for now, I'm just not going to worry about a recurrence. I have other things to do. ;)

kate

It's a New Dawn, It's a New Day

2009-01-21T08:55:00.002-05:00

Maybe it's due to the inspiring inauguration events yesterday, maybe it's something else, but I'm feeling better than a week ago at my last post.

A week went by and I didn't post? Wow. That's a big deal in itself!

The terrible pain in my arm has subsided. I'm left with some numbness in the fingertips of my right hand, which is manageable and I hope will go away.

I was sick last week (I'm seriously starting to think it was those peanut butter crackers I ate for lunch Wednesday...). Getting sicker made me realize how good I normally feel. Does that make sense? And, I spent the weekend in Chicago hanging with Peter and Daniel (and their parents) which always leaves me exhausted in a really good way.

I guess what I'm trying to say is it's a new dawn, it's a new day, and I'm going to make it. ;)

kw

All Pain, No Gain

2009-01-13T18:26:00.002-05:00

My hair's getting thicker and longer. I need a little less sleep every week. My memory is clearer and I'm sharper. I should be happy, happy, happy. But you know what, I'm not. I'm tired of not being "me." I want my hair back. I want this chemo to get out of my system. I wanna be normal.

My joints were quite painful the past month. I can't remember if I blogged about that, and I'm too tired right now to go back and look. My hips hurt, my knees hurt, my elbows hurt. I was fine when I wasn't moving, but make me stand up or sit down or get in and out of the car...ouch. It was all I could do to not grimace every time I moved.

Fortunately, that's started to subside.

Now it's my nerves. My poor left arm is still all swollen from the lymphedema. Now my right arm is showing signs of carpal tunnel. Three times in the last week I've awakened during the night because the pain was so terrible in my right hand. Several other days I've not been able to move the fingers on my right hand for the first 15 minutes of the day. I don't think I've ever experienced uncontrolled pain like this. (I guess I should count myself lucky!)

And of course, the solution is the same for both arms...don't sleep on them. Yeah, well, I already had several nights of sleeping flat on my back with my arms over my head (remember the fun?) and I'm not willing to go back to that!! Don't sleep on your left side...it will cause your arm to swell more. Don't sleep on your right side...it will pinch your nerves. It's best if you sleep flat on your stomach with your arms straight down at your side. OK - *not* comfortable!!

Perhaps I can just hang upside down by my ankles.

I'm hopeful that the chemo will move through my nerves in the same way it moved through my joints, and that eventually I'll get the feeling back in my fingers. Until then, I have some hand/arm/wrist exercises provided by my occupational therapist which are helping.

To sum it all up...I'm tired this week, and when I'm tired it's harder to face cancer head-on and kick its butt.

I gotta get home and unpack some more boxes. Hopefully I'll find more gloves and scarves before the temperature goes below zero this week. Or maybe I'll just go to bed early and see if my attitude improves. :)

kw

Short Term Future

2009-01-08T19:23:00.002-05:00

You asked what the protocol is for the future. Well, I'll tell you what I know, and I'll tell you what I don't know...

I'm on a six month schedule with my surgeon, and radiology oncologist, and a three month schedule with the oncologist. I'm planning for reconstruction sometime later this year, and I'll start deciding on a plastic surgeon this summer. I'm also taking Tamoxifen, which is a drug that slows/stops the growth of cancer cells in my body. Of course, I don't believe there are any cancer cells left in my body.

What I'm not happy about is this: they aren't planning on running any tests. I asked my oncologist how often she'd be running PET scans, etc. She said I would "know" if there was more cancer in my body.

I countered with this: "I didn't know the first time."

She gave me that look that said I was a cute little new paranoid cancer patient, and repeated that I would "know" if I have more cancer.

Of course, I have my own research to do on this topic, but please weigh in. If you have known other cancer patients, what was their follow up care? How often were they tested? What tests did they get?

I'd love to hear your wisdom!! ...kate

Hello Two-Thousand-and-"Fine!"

2009-01-05T15:01:00.003-05:00

Goodbye two-thousand-and-not-so-gr-eight. Hello two-thousand-and-fine.

With the help of my mom, her husband, and a group of friends, I got moved to Bowling Green this weekend. A huge thank you to them all...they were tireless! Let's just say the place was filthy and leave it at that. No need to discuss the details.

As for me, I just can't hang like I used to...I don't have the physical strength, energy, or stamina that I had a year ago. I'm so hopeful it will come back!!! I realize I've only been out of treatment a month. Perhaps I should give it more time. ;)

Now I'm officially 491 steps from home to work. How awesome is that? I walked to work today, then home for lunch and back again. It was cold, but you've probably noticed I'm a tough girl. It felt great to have an excuse to stretch my legs and move.

I received some cookbooks on raw foods for Christmas. I'm ready to start thinking about an anti-cancer diet. My first recipe attempt was a smoothie - kale, pineapple, mango, and bananas. It was quite good! And drinking kale makes one feel one is being very healthy!

That's it from here. Happy new year everyone. kate

What I Like about Peter

2008-12-29T21:01:00.003-05:00

I spent a lot of time with Peter on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. Of course I had planned to spend lots of time with him, but with "ba-bruhdah" in the hospital, I got to replace Daddy as his favorite caregiver for a few days. (Daniel will be fine; what a scare!)

Peter turned two in November. He's about the cutest, smartest, most charming little thing I've ever seen. Besides everything he says and everything he does, I realized what I enjoy most about him is this: Peter doesn't know.

He doesn't know I look funny. He doesn't know I had a rough year. He doesn't know I don't feel normal yet. He doesn't know I'm still struggling with side effects.

Peter doesn't care to hear the details of my last doctor appt or my next doctor appt. He doesn't care what the next step is. He doesn't care what the last step was.

What Peter does know is that his Aunt Kate is willing to hang him upside down from his ankles and watch Curious George and sing "Five Little Monkeys" over and over again. He knows his Aunt Kate will play trains with him and pretend to scrub the floor (he's got a thing about mopping) and make Christmas trees out of Play-doh. He knows I'll find his binky or his milk or his stuffed elephant when he needs them.

It was really really freeing to spend time with someone who doesn't know and doesn't care. He made me feel like plain old me.

God bless Peter.

kate

Praise God for Healing

2008-12-25T16:26:00.004-05:00

Christmas is always a time to see old friends at Collingwood. It was so great to see Susie Shew that even though the prelude was playing and the choir was up front singing, I had to run down and give her a hug. Susie is, in my estimation, one of the "matriarchs" of Collingwood. Her husband was a much-loved minister there until he passed from cancer about 20 years ago.

Susie hugged me and said, "Praise God for healing."

Ain't that the truth?

Merry Christmas, all.

Kate